


The Manor of Silent Statues

by achlyss



Category: A.C.E (Beat Interactive Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Horror, Brief psychotic disorder, Delusions, Hallucinations, Insomniac Character, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mentions/Descriptions of Hate Crime, Mystery, Night Terrors, OT5 Relationship, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Recovery, Sleep Deprivation, Sleep Paralysis
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-26
Updated: 2019-01-25
Packaged: 2019-08-29 17:59:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 37,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16748932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/achlyss/pseuds/achlyss
Summary: A family of five young men move into a new house with hopes of starting a new chapter in their lives from a clean paper.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there.  
> I'm not supposed to be starting a new story, but this has been lying around in my drafts for so long and I suddenly felt like working on it, so here we go.   
> This story was kind of inspired by two of my favourite books - The Haunting of Hill House and Craven Manor. The house the boys move into is kind of based on the two houses from these books.  
> Some of you may have already noticed my obsession with houses and homes and you may even be tired of it, but I still hope you will enjoy reading this story. I promise it's much better than the summary might make it look.  
> Please be mindful of the warnings mentioned above as they might be triggering.   
> The other three will be introduced in the next chapter. I will try to update as soon as possible as some parts of the story are already written and planned out, but I can't promise much.  
> Any thoughts and ideas on the story and the characters is always welcomed and appreciated.  
> I apologize for the mistakes in advance. I'm very bad at fixing them.  
> Take care.

 

**Prologue**

 

Junhee gazed at the walls of a baronial house as he stood on its entrance, eyes lit in fascination and wonder. The house with its widely ajar, heavy wooden doors, its quiet demeanor and eclectic styling, welcoming and comforting, pulling him closer and deeper inside - welcome home, _welcome home,_ a soothing melody whispered somewhere at the back of his head.

He felt them before a pair of familiar arms could come and rest around his waist, causing a shudder to run through his wonderment-filled body, exposed arms prickled with goosebumps, a late spring breeze finding its way through the open doors and making home for itself inside the dust covered high walls of the house that stood still and silent and comforting, a secure shelter for its soon-to-be owners. Junhee felt comforted inside the overpowering presence of it. What some may have found eerie, he found it spectacular and soothing.

“It’s beautiful.” His lover said, chin coming to rest on Junhee’s shoulder, pressing their bodies, full of thrill, together.

“It is.” Junhee hummed and let himself relax in the other male’s hold, lolling his head back and resting it gently against the other’s. “It is indeed.”

“I think it’s exactly what we have been looking for.” His lover – _Donghun_ – murmured as he started to rock their bodies together back and forth and Junhee felt the air inside the house change, align its silent melody to the rhythm of their slowly moving bodies, comforting, quiet, matching its pace to the needs of its habitants. Life lingered in this house, in dramatic contrast with their current home, where life went, and went, and went, and made breathing unbearable on most nights.

“It’s perfect.” Junhee said and let a small, hopeful smile find its place on his face, gazing at the elegantly structured double staircase that led the way to the second floor of the house. “I think it’s perfect. I’m sure they will love it, Chan especially, he is going to love this house.”

“I’m sure this change will be a great help for his recovery.” Donghun hummed in agreement and his hold on Junhee’s waist unconsciously grew tighter. “And for yours too. It’s very quiet around here, isn’t it?”

“It is. I like it a lot. It’s peaceful.” Junhee turned in the other’s hold, arms reaching up to nestle around his lover’s shoulders. His gaze landed on his hands, trembling, trembling and trembling, not steadying even for a second. They had grown into a habit of trembling, mind their own, sometimes completely disconnected from Junhee.

He felt fragile trapped inside Donghun’s embrace, standing in a foyer of the endless, silent manor that was soon to become theirs. Junhee felt it move around their small, shivering bodies, its walls reaching out to offer home and safety to its new owners, enclosing a secure space around them, peaceful and silent and comforting, away, far, far away from the madness and chaos of the city, of the life that left no time for living.

“Do you think you can convince Kwan?” Junhee asked and Donghun nodded, smiling softly, confident of his ability of convincing another lover of theirs about changing their living place, moving into a new house, away from the kind of life Byeongkwan loved dearly, busy, busy, busy with no time for breathing.

“Sehyoon loved the pictures you sent him and he knows Chan needs to get as far away from the city as possible.” Donghun told him as Junhee rested his forehead against the elder’s, his trembling fingers reaching up to graze at his lover’s cheeks that had grown rounder and softer along with his smile. “He could never say no to them. Maybe to the both of us, but not to them.” The words brought a smile of his own on Junhee’s face, small, but content by the thought. Byeongkwan was a stubborn, hot-headed, fiery being, but his façade crumbled under the presence of their youngest and the second oldest boyfriends.

“That’s very true.” Junhee nodded, smiling at the elder. “I’m sure he will love this place.” He added and let his lips wonder against Donghun’s, gentle and almost feather-like, full of gratitude to his elder lover and full of hopefulness of his lovers feeling as welcomed in the house as he felt when he first had stepped through the entrance.

Someone behind them coughed and startled them out of their peaceful reverie. Donghun let an embarrassed laugh escape his lips as they turned and came face to face to the estate agent that had found the manor for them.

“Have you decided on your answer?” The woman asked as she stepped forward and closer to them. She had let them explore the whole manor as they wished already for the second time in the past week. She was probably getting impatient to hear their final decision.

“Yes.” Junhee said, slipping his fingers in between Donghun’s and lacing them together.

“We are going to buy the house.” Donghun told her, smile polite on his face and squeezed Junhee’s hand in silent show of comfort and of his own excitement.

“Excellent.” The woman clasped her hands together, a relieved smile stretching across her face. “Shall we go back to the office?” She gestured them out of the house before turning on her heels and slipping out of the doors.

Junhee and Donghun turned to take a one last glance of the mesmerizing, dust covered staircase across the foyer, inviting, waiting for its new owners to leave their footprints across it, before following after the woman, hand in hand, hearts full of thrill and hopefulness.

“This is going to be a lovely surprise.” Donghun whispered to him and Junhee nodded, smiling, pressing himself closer to the older male, his grip strong on Donghun’s hand.

They stepped out of the quiet house and Junhee heard the chanting that had grown familiar since the moment he had stepped inside the house at the back of his head – welcome home, _welcome home, Junhee_.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there.  
> Here goes a new chapter, because my lecture got canceled and I thought I would update before I had time.  
> So, we got to meet the others (maybe Byeongkwan and Yuchan not so much, but some things became clearer I assume). If you find some extra time (and feel like doing it, of course) do let me know what are you thoughts on them.  
> The next chapter will be up in a few days if everything goes as planned. Until then, I hope you will enjoy reading the current chapters.  
> Thank you so much for reading and leaving kudos behind. I appreciate it a lot.  
> I apologize for the mistakes. Fixing them isn't my forte.  
> Take care.

 

**Chapter One**

 

“Loves, we are back.” Donghun called out, voice a little above a whisper, so in contrast of how he used to announce his arrival at home just a few months back, unafraid and eager to let his lovers know he had come back home to them after a long day. But things were different now. Their home had taken a different shape in the past few weeks, had turned into something unfamiliar, something unwelcoming, had made its habitants hesitant and cautious, all fading whispers and careful movements, _don't make noise, be quiet._

Their apartment - it used to be a happy place, full of love and happiness, cheerful laughter filling its walls and leaving no empty spaces, but it no longer was. It had diminished from its previous state.

There was no Yuchan or Junhee or Byeongkwan fighting to be the first to greet their lover who had just returned home to them, eager to ease his worries and fatigue away with their blinding smiles and loud bickering, clutching onto each other’s shirts tightly in attempts to hold one another back and slip past through to be the first to give Donghun his _“welcome home”_ kiss. There was no Sehyoon standing behind them, arms crossed against his chest, loving smile etched on his face as he shook his head in disapproval at the antics of his younger boyfriends.

There was nothing of their old, warm, cozy, happy home left and Donghun felt something heavy press on his chest, make breathing uncomfortable, press, and press and grow heavier, full of force and desire to shatter his trembling heart along with his heaving chest. The air inside the house stood still, unwelcoming, unfamiliar, growing thicker and tighter around their small, fragile bodies and Donghun was sure it could turn them to crumbles if it tried just a little harder.

Junhee moved past him, his steps slow and hesitant, as if something invisible was holding him back, telling him to turn away and run, run far away from this apartment. The younger’s fingers brushed against his. They had gone cold. Completely in contrast of how warm they had been back in the manor, warm and there, trembling, but solid in between Donghun's fingers, in so much resemblance of the past Junhee. Donghun slid a little suitcase, he and Junhee had taken with them, beside the door and stepped further into the apartment.

It had grown quiet in their absence, a faint sound of someone typing away at the keyboard of their laptop filling the thick, almost suffocating, silence. Donghun closed the door behind his back. His eyes glued on Junhee’s back as the younger disappeared behind the open doors of their living room. Donghun was quick on his feet after the other. He found himself almost running. As if he was afraid of staying alone in the small, dimly lit corridor of their apartment. As if the silence would swallow him entirely if he were to hesitate any longer.

Sehyoon was raising himself up from the couch when he walked in, embracing Junhee in his arms with a small, gentle smile on his face, his black curls covering half of his face. Everything, almost everything had changed about their apartment, but Sehyoon. Sehyoon had remained the same, a peaceful, harmonious being in the middle of the chaos. His eyes met Donghun’s over Junhee’s shoulder and Sehyoon held out his hand for him to take, beckoning him closer and inviting him to join Junhee in his embrace. Donghun did, right away, in hurry, stepped closer and buried himself in the warmth of his lovers. They had remained as the only source of warmth in this apartment, everything else had gone cold, cold in silence, cold in loneliness, cold in the absence of their once warm, happy home. Donghun breathed him in. His fragrance, the natural warmth of his body, his comforting presence warming his chilled bones, slipping inside his anxious chest and soothing him down, tenderly, slowly, a quiet whisper, a quiet gesture of _welcome home_. Their apartment no longer felt like home, but his lovers did. They had remained the only untouched, unblemished sources of home, some demaged, some broken, some healing, some running away, but still home. _Home._

Donghun realized how much he had missed him when his grip on Sehyoon’s shirt grew tighter and he pulled their bodies closer together. He and Junhee had been gone just a little over a week and it was more than enough, more than he could take in their current situation, in this state. They all were terrified of letting each other out of their sight, afraid, afraid, afraid, constantly worrying, constantly afraid that something would happen, something, another call, a call Donghun was sure neither of them would survive ever again.

“How are things?” Junhee asked as he slowly separated his shivering body from theirs, as if he was hesitant to fully let go of his lovers, afraid he might startle out of his dream and watch them vanish away in nothingness, find himself alone in this quiet, cold, lonely, lonely, unwelcoming apartment.

“Still the same.” Sehyoon said as he returned to the couch and lowered himself back on his previous place, his laptop screen blaring brightly in the middle of the naturally dimly lit, what once used to be a cozy living room of their apartment, displaying a picture of five young men tangled into each other’s arms messily, bright smiles painting their faces as they held onto one another. Donghun remembered the day the picture was taken as if it had happened just yesterday - on Yuchan’s university graduation, almost a year ago. “Nothing has changed much. He’s still the same.” Sehyoon repeated and turned his eyes up to them, apologetic, his black orbs like a midnight ocean, stars twinkling inside them, endless, full of emotions, strange mix of tranquility and chaotic madness.

“Byeongkwan?” Donghun asked, well aware of one of his younger lovers absence from the apartment. He knew Byeongkwan wasn’t at home, felt lack of him in his bones. The younger couldn’t stand being alone in his room. He could always be found in the living room or in the kitchen when he was at home. But Byeongkwan was never at home lately, gone, gone, gone, out, leaving traces of himself along the floor as a reminder that he had come back and had slipped away just as quietly.

“One of the choreographers got sick and he asked Kwan to take over his classes.” Sehyoon told them as he made himself comfortable on the couch and pulled the laptop closer to his folded legs.

“He’s still running away, isn’t he?” Junhee asked, quiet voice dripping in sadness. Their second youngest lover had been trying to busy himself with work and his life outside of home as much as his excuses of not coming back made it possible, so his mind wouldn’t drift back to the memories of that blood-curdling day that had turned their peaceful lives upside down, that had shattered their youngest lover to pieces, had left all five of them vulnerable and fragile, ready to break at any moment, at any strong blow of wind. They all knew, no matter how much he denied, that Byeongkwan was running away both from himself and them.

Sehyoon nodded and turned his eyes away from them, his fingers curling against the keyboard. The past days without Junhee and Donghun must have been hard on him, having to deal with everything alone, but they had no choice. They all knew things were not easy, but someone had to go and someone had to stay and they had decided things that way. Yuchan felt the most comforted by Sehyoon’s presence nowadays and no one had the heart to deny his last source of comfort to the younger.

“Is Channie...” Junhee started and then let his trembling voice die in his throat mid-sentence, exhausted of having to force the words out of himself. Sehyoon turned his head to look at him.

“He’s sleeping in the master bedroom.” Sehyoon told him, lips curling into a sad smile. “Says his own bedroom feels like the walls are closing on him and it feels a little easier to breath there.” Junhee nodded as he leaned down to press a gentle kiss on Sehyoon’s cheek before slowly and quietly disappearing out of the room.

Donghun watched him leave, his shadows become one with the darkness that had started to fill the apartment. The silence slipped inside the living room once more, spilling through the cracks and filling the corners of it. Donghun turned his gaze back to the couch and his eyes met Sehyoon’s. The younger had shifted from his seat and was gazing at him, chin rested on his palm, small smile dancing on his face. Donghun moved closer to the couch, full of desire to find shelter in the closeness of their bodies, move, move far away from the loneliness that had grown into a habit of clinging onto his back.

“You did great.” Donghun found a way to voice his thoughts as he threaded Sehyoon’s silky, black hair with his fingers, the other male leaning into his touch and letting himself relax, stress and worry of the past days leaving him with each caress of Donghun's trembling hand. “You are going to love the house. It’s lovely.” Donghun let the news slip past through his lips, smiling gently. Sehyoon turned his face up to gaze at him, expression overcome with something similar to relief and hope and a pleasant surprise. Donghun's heavy heart trembled in sudden rush of excitement.

“We.. Did you buy it already?” Sehyoon asked as Donghun's fingers moved from his hair to paint his face. The elder’s touch tender and careful and lingering, as if he was cautious to not break him, as if he were to press a little harder Sehyoon would crumble under his fingers.

“We did.” Donghun leaned forward and pressed a chaste kiss on Sehyoon’s lips. He felt the younger smile in between the touch. “But don’t tell Junhee I told you.” Donghun added as he parted away from the younger, basking in the warmth and beauty of Sehyoon’s quiet laughter, genuine smile appearing on his face with ease.

“I won’t.” Sehyoon promised and his smile grew wider. He turned back to his laptop and let Donghun slip out of the living room silently, the elder hesitant to find his way to their master bedroom where five of them slept together on most nights. Most nights that had become so rare in the past few weeks. It hit him hard as he neared the slightly ajar door of the room that it had been weeks since the five of them had last slept together on the same bed, in the same room and he felt something heavy press on his chest, worry, or sadness, or both, or longing and loneliness, everything all together, at once. They never slept apart, not for this long, always full of want and desire of having their bodies pressed close together, their limbs tangled and their breathes soothing and reassuring, the best way to end the day and start the night, the best way to greet another morning, the only piece of comfort in their lives – looking forward each day to return home and lie down beside each other on the same bed, inside the same space and let the sound of their quietly beating hearts erase the heaviness the world had piled up on their shoulders throughout the busy day.

Donghun found himself holding his breath as he stepped inside their shared bedroom, lit by a single lamp on the bedside table, night curtains drown close, silence reigning in every corner of it.

Their youngest lover laid in the middle of the bed, fully covered by the blankets, seeming so small, so little, so fragile and vulnerable, as if he had wished to make himself invisible, as if he had wished to make himself disappear, curled into himself, overtaken by the hands of a peaceful, Donghun hoped it to be a peaceful, very peaceful, sleep. He felt his heart wrench inside his chest, threatening to break any moment, when Junhee looked up at him and their eyes met. The younger tried to give him a hopeful smile, but it came out pained, pain, pain, pain, all Donghun saw on Junhee’s face was pain, red tearful eyes and pain, nothing else, no hope, no happiness, just pain. It took Donghun a few minutes to gather some courage and walk closer to the bed. He lowered himself beside the other and let his palm nestle against Junhee’s thigh, squeezing in comfort and reassurance and a silent promise of – _it will be fine._

“It’s so hard to know he is sleeping right here and I can’t touch him.” Junhee whispered and laid his head on Donghun’s shoulder, his eyes fixed on the sleeping younger in front of them. Donghun could hear strain and unshed tears in the other male's tone. Junhee was trying so hard to keep himself whole.

“He’s going to be fine.” Donghun told him as his arm came to rest around Junhee and squeezed the younger’s shoulder in a silent gesture of comfort - _you aren't alone_. “We are going to be fine. Soon, Junhee, soon, we are going to be fine.” Donghun promised and for a few minutes both of them felt silent, letting the words sink in deep, until it was all they knew, until they truly believed their own promises, their heartbeats in sync and their eyes trained on the same spot, on the small lump in the middle of the vast bed that was meant to fit five bodies together and seemed so huge, so huge for only one of them, as if a dark abyss were about to open and swallow Yuchan, steal him away from them, from this scary, scary place that had grown lifeless.

Donghun felt Junhee suddenly go rigid in his hold and felt his heartbeat turn uneven as Yuchan shifted on the bed and quiet sniffles escaping his thrashing body started to fill the bedroom that once used to be full of hushed whispers of confessions and of each other’s names, home to love and happiness and precious memories of theirs.

Donghun found himself frozen as if the sight had completely paralyzed him, made it unable to process what was happening, worry and fear longing to crawl inside his skin and make moving impossible. But then, the sound of Yuchan’s cries for help and mercy grew louder and forced both him and Junhee out of their shaken state.

“Sho.. should we.. should we...” Junhee chocked out, no longer able to hold his tears back, pushing himself off of the bed and running to the other side Yuchan was facing.

“I will bring Sehyoon.” Donghun whispered under his breath and he was scrambling out of the bedroom and to the living room, Yuchan’s loud pleas for help and Junhee’s quiet murmurs of comfort haunting his back.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there.  
> Here goes another update. I hope you will enjoy reading it.  
> I just want to say that this story is going to be slow as I want to show the way each character feels, because their emotions play the most important role for the development of the storyline, so I hope you can be patient with how things are currently proceeding. The next chapter will introduce the house better.  
> Thank you so much for taking your time to read and leave kudos and comments behind. I appreciate it a lot.  
> Any thoughts and ideas on the story and the characters is always welcomed and appreciated.  
> I apologize for the mistakes in advance. I couldn't fix them.  
> Take care.

 

**Chapter Two**

 

“What about work then?” Byeongkwan asked as he abruptly came to a halt to look at his lovers seated on the couch a few steps away from where he had been pacing just a moment ago. He had to force himself to stop walking on the same one line non-stop for almost half an hour now and sit down in the lone armchair by the window of their living room. “I know I agreed to move out, because I can’t stand living there anymore, but I didn’t mean it to be in the middle of nowhere, Donghun.” He said and averted his eyes from the elder's, unable to hold his gaze. Instead he let his eyes wonder on the picture of smiling Junhee and Yuchan hanging on the wall across him, shadows casted across their faces by the dim lights of the living room and distorting their smiles as a tragic reminder of what was happening inside this once lively apartment, inside the hearts and minds of its inhabitants, serving as a silent sign that the night had finally crept up on the world and the darkness had replaced the daylight.

“Junhee checked and there are dance studios in the town about forty minutes drive from the house. I’ll drive you out and back home myself anytime you ask me.” Donghun told him as he slowly pushed himself up from the couch and walked closer to the younger, his clothed feet making no sound against the floor as he carefully threaded his way to the armchair, cautious to not disturb the quiet, aware of two of his lovers sleeping the night away in their bedrooms, separated by the walls that felt like barricades standing tall and frigid in between their yearning hearts, both afraid of disturbing one another for different reasons, terrified of causing each other unnecessary fright in the middle of the night. “And with your talent you can always find a place to work at. There is also plenty of space in the house if you want to practice by yourself. There is even a private dance room. It’s a bit rusty, but I am sure you can make it lively with a bit of help from Junhee.” Donghun gently lowered himself on the armrest beside Byeongkwan and rested his hand on the younger’s shoulder. He felt him tense up against him, felt something inside him press heavily on his chest, but then Byeongkwan let himself relax in the familiar warmth of his eldest boyfriend and immediately eased the suffocating heaviness away, melting into his touch and leaning close to him.

“Really?” Byeongkwan asked, glancing up at Donghun and then at Sehyoon across them curled into himself on the couch. The other was quick to nod in agreement, giving him an assuring smile. Sehyoon had seen pictures of the house, bits of every room and place the manor had to offer to his new owners. “Wha.. What about your job?” Byeongkwan turned his eyes back up to Donghun.

Only the two of them worked outside of the house. Sehyoon worked from home and barely left their apartment, an aspiring writer whose debut book had become successful beyond what any of their wishful minds and imagination could come up with. Junhee also worked from home, most of the time, when the art galleries didn’t need his assistance, the door of his art studio shut close as he locked himself away for hours, for days, sometimes for weeks and more, silence replacing his loud laughter and wide, feline smiles in the other parts of their apartment. And then there was Yuchan. Yuchan – a junior photographer, who had just started his career at the local studio, but had been forced to take a break, break from work, from the outside world, from his peaceful routine of life. _Yuchan... Yuchan. Yuchan._

Byeongkwan felt anger and sadness and regret and shame and too many different emotions starting to boil inside his chest all at once, as they usually did lately, forcing a violent shudder out of his suddenly freezing body, memories of the scene he tried so hard to forget, to run away from, crawling back up on the surface of his mind, latching onto him and threatening to haunt him for the rest of his life. Regret. And shame. Regret and shame was all he felt these days. Regret and shame. _Regret and shame. Yuchan._ He shook his head and tried to push the thoughts away, his fingers finding themselves grasping onto Donghun’s thigh tightly, squeezing it, trying to pull himself back to the present, bury the memories of that day in the furthest, the most unreachable corners of his mind. He couldn't bear thinking about it. It made him sick, made him want to get up and run, run far away, but was it ever possible for one to run away from his own mind?

“The company agreed to let me work from home when my vacation ends and I still have two more weeks to get everything settled in the house before it does.” Donghun reassured and Byeongkwan had to struggle against himself to gather enough courage to look the elder in the eyes. He was greeted by a sad, but assuring smile, always a gentle reminder of -  _it will be fine_. He could feel it through the other’s expression even if he didn’t say anything, Donghun’s eyes pleading him to agree, to say yes, to move out and leave everything bad that had happen in the past month behind. _Leave. Leave. Let's leave, please._

“Wi.. Will it help him? Do you think changing places will make things better even to the slightest?” He asked, shifting in the armchair and leaning his head on Donghun’s lap. His eyes wondered around the room, from one family picture to another, smiling, smiling and hugging, smiling, smiling and kissing, _kissing, hugging, smiling_ , all happiness and love, pain absent from their bright, wild, lovely eyes. Where did those smiles go? Where did those people gazing back at him from the pictures go? _Where are you? why does the world have to be so cruel to you?_ His eyes fell on Sehyoon’s curled up form on the couch. The elder was looking back at him, head lolling to the side, small smile resting on his face, peaceful, a harmonious being admist the chaos happening inside this silent, cold, lonely place. He could see the hint of the same smile, of the same person inside Sehyoon, one of the five looking back at him from the pictures, but only hints of him. They were all slowly fading into something unfamiliar, something they didn’t had time to grow familiar with. It all felt so foreign, this room, this apartment, these people, their smiles. It suddenly felt so foreign and it scared him.

He felt his legs jerk violently under him, as if they were telling him to get up and leave, as if they were telling him that he was at the wrong place, with the wrong people and he had somehow, someway had mistaken them for his lovers and this cold, lonely, silent, dark apartment for his own. Something was missing. Something was missing. Something was missing. He knew. He knew what was missing, but he didn’t want to acknowledge it. He forced his legs to still, concentrated on the warmth radiating from Donghun’s body and spilling into his, on Sehyoon’s black, stormy eyes that still held some familiarity within them.

This was his home and they were his lovers and they would find themselves, their lost peace, their lost happiness once again. They would find a way to destroy the barricades in between them and let their hearts unite once again. _Love, love, you are still with us, right?_  Byeongkwan wouldn’t run away from them, not when they needed him the most and he needed them more than he had ever need. He didn’t know how to live without them anyways. Where did he have to go? Where was a place for him to go when these four men were everything he knew, everything he wanted to know, had become part of them and them part of him throughout the time. He didn’t want to run away, no matter how cold, how strange, how unfamiliar this place, their smiles, their touches became. He didn’t want to run away, not for them, maybe from this place, but not from them, never from them. They were his everything.

“It’s a lovely place and Junhee says it’s peaceful.” Donghun told him as his fingers immediately reached up out of habit to stroke the younger’s fallen curls, combing them out of his face, his warm fingers grazing Byeongkwan’s frozen skin, carrying some kind of distant sensation of familiarity, a fading reminder that this man beside him was his lover, one of the four men Byeongkwan had fallen in love with. “And you know anything is better than staying here.” Donghun added and Byeongkwan saw Sehyoon nod his head encouragingly at the elder’s words, his smile growing wider, but more pained than before on his face. Byeongkwan was sure Donghun was doing the same even if he couldn’t see the elder's face. There were moments when both of his lovers mirrored each other as they spoke, especially when they agreed on something and wanted to make it a clear point. Byeongkwan hoped, wished silently, that they still did it, that their old habits hadn’t managed to die away in these past few weeks just like anything else inside this apartment had, this apartment that had become home to dread and cold, had grown unfamiliar to all five of them.

Byeongkwan let his eyes flutter close and found himself smiling at the memories of Donghun and Sehyoon scolding him and Yuchan for accidently breaking Junhee’s favourite mug a little over two years ago, arms crossed in front of their chests as they leaned their bodies against the dining table, shaking their heads in disappointment, unable to hide mischievous glinting of their eyes as they gazed him and Yuchan, before they had taken pity on them and had helped them find the exact same copy of it before Junhee would come back and find pitiful remnants of his favourite mug spilled across the kitchen floor of their then lively, loud, chaotic, happy apartment. Junhee still had no idea it had been replaced. He had complained about it feeling different for a few times at first, but had completely forgotten after a few weeks.

Byeongkwan felt sudden waves of hope surge from his chest and spill inside his entire being, covering his frozen bones in the familiar sensation of warmth it carried.

He knew they needed the change and he hoped this house could be the change - for better, for good, for them to find their lost ways back.

 

**Chapter Three**

 

The day of moving out was hectic, feverish almost, each of them in hurry to finish and leave. Junhee could feel everyone’s stress levels going up more than the usual. The walls of their apartment had grown bare in the last few hours, some parts of it put away in the boxes that were to be taken in the new house, some to the boxes that were to be donated, traces of them ever living here disappearing picture by picture, book by book, thing by thing, first his paintings and Yuchan’s photographs, then Sehyoon’s books and Donghun’s musical instruments, followed after by Byeongkwan’s sneakers that used to fill their doorway. The house became empty as they took belonging by belonging out of it, one at a time, first their bedrooms, then their living room and lastly the kitchen.

Donghun and Sehyoon couldn’t decide what to leave and what to take and what to donate, while Byeongkwan helped him clean out the fridge, hushing the other two whenever they got a bit too loud than was currently acceptable in the apartment, afraid of disturbing Yuchan who was sleeping away yet another day in the master bedroom that was now fully cleared of everything belonging to them beside the bed and the bed sheets. They left it for the last. None of them had a heart and courage to wake up the youngest lover of theirs who barely got any rest even if he spent the entire days locked away inside their shared bedroom.

“Ca.. Can I he.. Help w.. With any.. Thing?” A soft voice that came through the door startled Junhee out of his thoughts, caused Byeongkwan to stop in the mid-way of putting away the fresh tangerines their youngest lover always had stocked up in the fridge and made quietly bickering Donghun and Sehyoon freeze on their spots, mouths hanging slightly open as they gazed at the shivering boy standing on the doorway. Junhee tried to remember when was the last time he saw the younger out of the room, when he saw him in the broad daylight, heard his soft voice this clear, this prominent, this audible.

“Channie...” Junhee started, finding his voice faster than the rest as he moved away from the fridge and closer to the younger. “We were not being so loud, were we?” He tried to smile through the pain that had started to swell inside his chest as he stepped closer to Yuchan, trembling of the younger's body became more noticeable, it was almost frantic, fading bruises still like a smudged paint on the perfect, unblemished painting, freshly made scratches covering the old ones. He had lost so much weight in the past weeks, his already fragile form had grown smaller and Junhee felt like he was staring at a fading photograph, as if Yuchan had become a part of his own collection of photographs that used to adorn the walls of the younger’s bedroom before they had taken them down and put away. The thought pained him to the extent he felt his heart burn in ache and he had to press his lips tightly together to suppress a loud, pained sob threatening to escape him.

“No... No... I wa.. wanted to.. to see...” Yuchan trailed off, his eyes darting around the room nervously, as if he was expecting something frightening to happen at any moment, something or someone that could hurt him, that was brave enough to hurt him even with his lovers inside the room. Junhee wanted to reach out and pull him in his arms, shelter him from everything scarying, terrifying, haunting him, ease his pain and ache and hurt away and keep him whole, until he was mended, until his usual smiles, his usual wildly bright eyes shone back at them instead of these soulless, frightened, lifeless eyes that had shaped themselves into Yuchan, had stolen their youngest lover away and made home to itself inside him. Fear. Fear. Fear. Junhee could feel it radiating through the younger, fear, and the memories, and flashbacks, and sensations, and feelings and emotions of that day still lingering inside him, unwilling to let him go, unwilling to set him free, let him grieve his pain and fears away. He wanted to reach out and pull him in his arms, but he couldn't, he was not sure if he could, he was unsure of a lot of things lately.

“See if we were getting anything done?” Sehyoon offered, walking up to the younger and holding a hand out to him, waiting patiently for Yuchan to accept his silent gesture of invitation.

Junhee watched as some kind of recognition and familiarity filled Yuchan’s frightened eyes when they came to rest on Sehyoon, his gaze trailing from the elder’s face to his outstretched arm. Yuchan nodded a minute later and let his fingers find safety in between Sehyoon's.

The older male led him to the dining table in the middle of their kitchen surrounded by five chairs as the other three watched the scene unfolding before their eyes intently, chests heavy and fingers curled into fists on their sides. Sehyoon gestured them to get back to working over his head as he helped Yuchan on his usual chair. Junhee was quick to busy himself by exploring remaining items inside the fridge as if he had been waiting for the elder to give him a sign to do something, to occupy his disordered mind with.

“I hope they find them and let them rot in prison for the rest of their lives.” He heard Byeongkwan mutter beside him, face red and almost fuming in anger. He opened his mouth to hush him, but Donghun was faster to react, motioning Byeongkwan to be quiet, finger pressed tightly against his lips. Junhee agreed silently with the younger, wished the same. He was sure all four of them did. Yuchan deserved to see justice. They deserved to see justice.

Junhee forced himself to concentrate back on the last remainings of food inside the fridge, full of desire to finish packing as soon as possible and finally leave this place, move out and start fresh all over again.

They should have done it a long time ago, before something could have happened, at the very first sign of it, before Yuchan still had been an inspiration for the sun to shine so brightly every day.

“...nnie.” Junhee felt a soft nudge on his side and he glanced up to see Byeongkwan waving his hand next to his face, trying to gather his attention on himself. Junhee shook his head for a few times to clear his mind from the previous thoughts before concentrating back on the younger. “Give this to him please.” Byeongkwan was holding a tangerine out to him and nodding to the table where Yuchan and Sehyoon sat, the older male whispering something to the younger quietly.

“Give them yourself.” Junhee murmured, looking up at him, disappointment evident on his face. Just how long was Byeongkwan going to keep blaming himself and how long was he going to keep trying to avoid the younger male? Yuchan had asked for him so many times and they were already out of excuses. Byeongkwan was not only hurting himself, but he was hurting already devastated Yuchan and the rest of them. It was good to no one. He had to realize that running away was never a solution, especially when you were blameless and it was hurting each of them in their current state. They had to stick together, closer than before instead of running away from one another in shame that shouldn’t have grown on any of them in the first place. What had happened was none of their fault. They couldn’t change anything, but make sure the same thing wouldn’t happen ever again. Right now, their main goal was to recover, help Yuchan recover and help their family of five return to its usual daily routine, full of harmony, and peace, and love, and happiness, a home that felt like one, a home you would want to be a part of, a home you would never want to run away from in the first place.

“But I..” Byeongkwan opened his mouth to argue, but a mere glare from Junhee was enough to render him silent.

“No buts, Kwan.” Junhee said and straightened up from his crouching position, holding the younger’s gaze. “Give them yourself. It will make him happy.” Junhee gave him an encouraging nudge on his shoulder, suddenly breaking into an assuring smile as he nodded to the table with his head. Byeongkwan opened his mouth once more only to close it back again, a single tangerine clasped tightly in between his fingers.

The younger hesitated for a moment, glancing between the tangerine in his hand and the two male on the table, before nodding to himself and moving closer to them. Junhee turned back to the fridge, but his attention remained on the other three a few steps away.

 _“Channie.”_ He heard Byeongkwan say and couldn’t resist a small, content smile painting itself across his face. It had been a while since he had last heard Byeongkwan say their youngest lover's name and hearing it eased his aching heart.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there.  
> I hope you will enjoy reading this chapter. I didn't get to fix mistakes, so I apologize for them in advance.  
> Thank you so much for taking your time to read and leave kudos behind. I appreciate it a lot.   
> The next update will take a few weeks, but I will try to update as soon as it will be possible.  
> Take care.

 

**Chapter Four**

 

“Should I turn off the radio?” Junhee asked, turning his attention from sleeping Yuchan to Sehyoon sitting behind the steering wheel.

The youngest male was curled into himself, looking small even on the narrow backseat of Sehyoon’s car, a soft tune on the radio keeping them company as they drove through the endless rows of trees. Donghun’s car just a few meters ahead of theirs, making sure he and Byeongkwan remained within their sight and didn’t get separated from each other on the way in case either of them were to need anything. They had been on the road for a few hours now and Junhee was sure they had a few more to cover before their final destination. _Their new house._

“No, I think it is better this way. He said it was calming.” Sehyoon told him as he reached over and took Junhee’s hand in his, proceeding to rub soothing circles on the back of it with his thumb. “Stop worrying and relax a little bit. He’s going to be fine.” Sehyoon squeezed his hand gently, his voice calm and reassuring and Junhee felt his body go numb as a reaction, leaning back against the passenger seat and relaxing into it.

“I’m sure both of you will love the house.” Junhee started after a while, after the soft melody spilling out of the radio had completely filled the car with soothing harmonies, atmosphere peaceful and relaxing, tending gently to Junhee’s disordered mind.

“Tell me about it. What is it like in person?” Sehyoon asked, trying to distract him, his calm voice slipping through Junhee’s head and wrapping his mind in a fog of complete tranquility.

Junhee could understand why Yuchan felt the most comforted by Sehyoon’s presence, the older male gentle, but solid ground to lean onto, his company calm and soothing and comforting, peaceful, peaceful, peaceful. Sehyoon carried peacefulness everywhere he went, left everything he touched filled with harmony and serenity.

Byeongkwan. He was all uncontrollable bursts of energy, hitched breaths and impulses, heartbeats gone too strong, too loud, wild, unyielding, bursting and bursting and bursting inside its little cage. Donghun. He was soft, soft even where one was supposed to find edges, emotions always sipping out of him, spilling over and over at everything he touched, everywhere he went, his heart gentle and full of emotions and feelings one would never find enough time to explain. Then there was him, all nerves and worries, jittering, jittering, constantly jittering, always in need to be told to stop and breath, sit back and relax for a minute, the world wasn’t ending and crushing him. He was the kind of person who easily forgot to be soft on himself, who easily forgot that he was a human, a home to life, a home to his four lovers, a home that needed to be told to keep its noisy occupants quiet and let harmony fill the empty spaces in between the cracks that had appeared on its walls throughout the unforgiving tempering of life.

And Sehyoon. Sehyoon, he was a perfect balance of everything or at least, that was how Junhee saw him. He found a common language with all their fears, talked them out of their lovers like an adult would comfort a frightened child, let them rest against his chest and breathe. Breathe freely for a little while. _Rest. Take a break. There is always time. Don't rush it to move, stop and fall in steps with it._

“It’s beautiful. It’s like a museum.” Junhee told him, gazing out of the window, his eyes moving along the blur that had become of the endless rows of the trees. He wasn’t trying to exaggerate. It was indeed like a museum. “There are statues, so many of them, each of them different, but beautiful in their own ways, and paintings and antique pieces that have survived through the time scattered in each corner of the house. I think it can be a great inspiration for your new book and a lovely chance for Channie to return to his camera.” Junhee said as he turned his face to glance at the younger male still sleeping soundlessly on the backseat and felt something inside him break in sadness and worry and in fear, in fear of their youngest lover never being able to return to his dreams. He had never thought there would come a day Yuchan wouldn’t want to hold his camera in his hands, Yuchan would refuse to capture a beautiful moment, would lock himself inside a room and be afraid of exploring all the mysteries the world had to offer to any curious, hungry soul that tried to explore and solve its secrets and mysteries.

“I’m very excited to see it with my own eyes.” Sehyoon told him and tugged onto Junhee’s hand to turn his attention back on him and away from the younger male.

Junhee hummed in return as he rested his head against the window, his gaze wondering to his and Sehyoon’s laced fingers and let himself get lost in a daydream, full of hopefulness that this new house, this new place, this much needed change would steer the wheel of their intertwined lives to a better direction, back to how they used to be barely a month or two ago, happy and carefree and in love, madly, madly in love, dreaming and laughing and kissing and hugging, fear an unknowing feeling to their curious, wild hearts.

Seconds passed and his and Sehyoon’s conjoined hands became a blur, peaceful atmosphere that had made home inside the car lulling him in a light slumber. He tried to fight it off, but couldn’t resist against it. He couldn’t remember the last time he slept properly, got a full six hours of sleep, his mind couldn’t find peace, always full of worries, and fears, and terrors, terrors that came to visit him in his sleep more than they normally did, his growing levels of stress had given a reason for his unkind friends to visit him at night more often than they had ever come, grasping onto his quivering, convulsing body tighter than they had used to do just a few weeks before. So he stopped struggling and let sleep take over him, feeling secure with his hand trapped inside Sehyoon’s, the elder’s hold gentle and comforting against his skin, the soft tune that radio ached like a lullaby his lovers, awoken by his quiet cries and continuous tremors of his body, often sang to him to lull him back to sleep in the middle of a disturbed night. It was usually Donghun or Sehyoon, neither of them being heavy sleepers, always in alert, always aware of their surroundings. But lately, all of them had become light sleepers, awaken even by the slightest change in the air, even by the faintest of sounds. Even Byeongkwan who had never known a thing about disturbed sleep before, jolted awake at any sound that was slightly above a whisper.

Junhee didn’t know how long he slept, how much of the road they had covered when he was forcefully startled out of his peaceful slumber by the harshness of the car being hurriedly pulled to the side, Yuchan screaming for help, thrashing frantically on the backseat Junhee had left him sleeping peacefully before he had let himself drift into his own dreamland, wishful to meet his younger lover on the other side, all sunny and smiles, as his mind remembered him, as his mind refused to forget how the younger used to be.

Junhee watched in shock as Yuchan clawed onto his own skin at the back of the car, screaming _“don’t touch me!”_ to someone his terrified mind had shaped into reality, frightened eyes blown wide. Junhee couldn’t stop his own cry of terror and pain that slipped out of his lips. He felt a loud, painful ringing growing louder on the left side of his head, as if someone was burning a lit cigarette against his temple, pressing deeper and deeper inside his skin.

“Out Junhee! Out!” Sehyoon demanded quietly, jerking him out of his state of shock by the firm shake of his shoulder. Junhee couldn’t fully comprehend what was happening, eyes darting nervously, in horror, in between screaming Yuchan and ever so calm Sehyoon beside him, his gaze blank, holding no light, no strength, no understanding inside. The car in front of them came to a stop as he was stumbling out of Sehyoon’s car and a second laterbbyeongkwan was catching him in his arms and pressing him close to his chest, turning around to avoid having to see whatever was happening inside the car.

“It’s okay. Stay back, Donghun!” Junhee heard Sehyoon demand and a shaky breath later he somehow managed to release Donghun was standing by his and Byeongkwan’s side. Byeongkwan pressed his palms against Junhee’s ears to muffle out Yuchan’s anguished cries. Donghun reached up and grasped onto Junhee’s arm tightly, squeezing it in a failed attempt to offer any kind of comfort to him.

Junhee didn’t know how long they stood on the side of the road. It could have been only a few minutes or a few hours and he wouldn’t be able to tell the difference. His head felt like it was about to split open, the pain that had spreaded on the left side of his skull made him dizzy and nauseous. Yuchan’s cries of help died down slowly, no longer reaching through Byeongkwan's hold on his ears and fade into uneven breathing and quiet sniffles and pleas. Byeongkwan gently released Junhee's head from his grasp and stepped back to look at the elder’s face.

“How... Do you... How are you feeling?” Byeongkwan struggled, didn’t know how to form his question. What was the right thing to ask in such a situation? How were any of them feeling? Junhee was sure all of them felt the same thing – worry and dread and fear and worry, worry, worry. No matter how much, how many times Yuchan’s psychiatrist told them, reassured them that it would be better, that the younger would be fine in the right kind of care and support and environment, the worry still kept eating away at them, constantly, little by little, took bits of hope and faith and happiness and strength out of them each time. Neither of them could endure having to stand back and watch silently as Yuchan fought to free himself, as the youngest fought someone or something neither of them could see and plead, plead for help, for mercy, while his lovers couldn’t do anything to help him, completely powerless, completely helpless. They had been powerless on that day and since the moment they had received the call from Byeongkwan, crying and begging them to come help him.

“Channie... Is he...” Junhee tried, mouth dry and voice scratchy. It was hard to concentrate on his thoughts. It was suddenly hard to breath. He pressed his palm against his temple, unshed tears welling up in his eyes.

“He will be fine.” Donghun tried to assure him, and himself, and all of them, his fingers gently grazing Junhee’s cheek. But all in vain. Assurance had become all in vain. “He’s safe with Sehyoon.” The eldest forced himself to give him a reassuring smile, but it ended up looking pained. Lately, all their attempts of giving each other comforting, genuine smiles ended up looking forced and full of pain. _Pain. Pain. Always in pain, crooked and distorted and in pain._

“Do you want me to get your medicine?” Byeongkwan asked, his fingers gripping Junhee’s shoulders tightly, afraid that the elder’s legs might gave out at any moment under him.

“Pl.. please.” Junhee choked out and Byeongkwan released him to go and retrieve his medication, his absence immediately filled by Donghun who wrapped his arms around Junhee and let him rest against his chest, the elder’s heart beating madly against its cage.

“A little bit more until we are home.” Donghun whispered and pressed a gentle kiss on top of his head, his hold tight around Junhee’s waist.

A little bit more until they would be home.

Home.

_Welcome home, Junhee._

Junhee hoped the home would be able to fix everything. It always did. He hoped their home was strong enough to hold against the weight of their worries and fears and terrors and pain pressing down on them, full of force and desire to crush them, turn them into crumbles under its weight.

Home.

_Home._

_Where was it?_

 

**Chapter Five**

 

Donghun was gently shaking him awake when Junhee came back to consciousness. They had changed their sitting arrangements after the incident along the way. Junhee had moved into Donghun’s car, while Byeongkwan had taken Junhee’s previous place on the passenger seat beside Sehyoon, Yuchan still breathless and silently crying on the backseat.

The sun was already settling down, tinting the sky in orange flames. The house stood in front of him, tall and proud and quiet, as Junhee remembered seeing it for the first time. He tried to rub sleep out of his eyes and stepped out of the car, letting his tensed body stretch, his eyes still bounded on the house in front, stirring waves of hopefulness inside him.

The lights flickered inside and the house suddenly came alive, most of the rooms lightening up, warm, yellow glow spilling out of its windows, calm, and comforting, and inviting.

“You can go and rest inside.” Donghun told him, nudging him gently towards the widely ajar doors of the house, this house, their house. _Home, please become home to these five lost souls that had wondered on your entrance._

“But the boxes...” Junhee started, turning to the truck of Donghun’s car full of brown boxes that contained their belongings.

“Don't worry, we have got some help.” Donghun told him, gesturing to a man and two women next to Sehyoon’s car Junhee hadn’t noticed standing there in the first place. He recognized one of the women as their estate agent.

Junhee nodded, glancing at the pile of boxes one last time before quickly moving towards the entrance. He felt a strange mix of excitement and hopefulness bubbling up inside his chest as he slipped through the open doors, his eyes landing on the staircase that had mesmerized him since the moment he had stepped his foot inside the house. The house that had now become theirs.

“It’s... It’s be.. Beauty.. Ful.” A small, quivering voice said and Junhee found himself jumping, startled, hand instantly coming up to rest against his chest.

Yuchan was standing beside the staircase, under the arch that separated the entryway in two parts and led the way to the small hall behind the stairs filled by the statues of various shapes, letting natural light inside the house through the wide, arched windows that run almost at the length of the whole wall and displayed a beautiful view of the garden that had gone wild with no care, but Junhee was sure would bloom in no time with the tender hands of its new owners. _We will care for you. Care for us please._

“Channie.” Junhee breathed out, walking closer to the younger, breaking into a small, but warm smile. “Do you like it?” He asked and hesitated a few steps away, no longer sure if he was allowed to touch him as freely, as tightly as he would have done a month ago.

“I... I.. do.” Yuchan nodded, his eyes flickering from Junhee’s face to his shoes on the floor and back to Junhee’s smiling, but hesitant face. He must have felt the hesitancy of the older male. Yuchan held out his arm slowly, his uncontrollably shaking fingers curled into a silent gesture, asking Junhee to hold onto it.

Junhee reached out and ever so slowly, ever so carefully slipped his fingers in between the younger’s as if he was afraid his touch might shatter him to pieces, to the pieces his lovers wouldn't be able to mend him back.

“Lo.. Look aro.. und wi.. With me.” Yuchan managed after a few seconds of struggling, leaning his feather like weight against Junhee’s body for support and Junhee held him close and dear, afraid of the younger slipping out and away, far away from his touch, within a distance Junhee would no longer be able to reach him, grab his hand and pull him back inside their shared space. He wasn’t going to let what had happened take Yuchan away. He wouldn’t. They wouldn’t. Yuchan was theirs. _Theirs. Theirs. Theirs. Yuchan was theirs._

“Do you want to see your room first?” Junhee offered, leading him up on the staircase in a slow pace.

“N.. No. Our... Our bed.. room fi.. First.” Yuchan told him and his words brought a small smile on Junhee’s face, the elder’s heart swelling in warmth. _Our bedroom first. Our bedroom first. Our. Our. Their... Their._

“Our bedroom it is then.” Junhee said, sudden, almost unfamiliar waves of excitement to show the room he and Donghun had decided to design as a master bedroom for all five of them taking over him, hopeful to see any sign of light flickering inside Yuchan’s dull, lifeless eyes.

 

**Chapter Six**

 

It was long past dinner when Donghun sent off their guests who had been a great help to them to home. Their estate agent had introduced a middle aged married couple to them that lived a fifteen minute walk away from them and were happily willing to help them around the manor. Donghun had, with so much pleasure, accepted their kind offer to help. They could use any kind of help around here. There were so many things to do, to rearrange, to reshape, to remake into something more resembling to home, their lively, happy, warm home.

The couple had been kind to clean the most commonly used parts of the house before their arrival at the request of Donghun that he had send ahead to their estate agent and he was filled with so much gratitude to them.

He walked the guests down the stairs and shook their hands, thanked each of them for their help before wishing them a good night and turning back inside the house with hurried steps. He felt a sudden, strange push of not wanting to stand alone outside any longer, full of desire to gather his lovers together and go to bed, sure that they had left all the bad behind in their old apartment and things would start to get better in this new house as they days of summer would go, stir their lives to a better direction, mend their hearts in a carefree, loving, warm, unworried, unafraid shapes.

Sehyoon and Byeongkwan were standing in front of the separated staircase that led the way to the second floor when he walked back in, heads turned up and gazing at the old, dust-covered chandelier that hung above their heads. 

Donghun walked to them, his arms reaching up and finding their ways around his lovers’ waists, pressing them close to his sides, natural warmth of their bodies sipping through their flesh and spilling into Donghun's own.

“How do you like it?” He asked, waiting for their answer with held breath. He hoped they liked it. He hoped they found it comforting. He hoped they felt something close to home inside it, something, even the tiniest spark that it could become, feel like home to them with time.

“It’s beautiful.” Sehyoon said, turning his face slightly to give Donghun his gentle, reassuring smile, his quiet was filled with genuinity.

“It’s creepy.” Byeongkwan muttered on his other side, brows knitted together in a little frown or maybe in concentration, Donghun wasn’t sure, as his eyes wondered around the slightly faded walls of the house.

His words made both Donghun and Sehyoon laugh, quiet, but genuine, sweet, sweet, sweet, a gentle sign that life had started to bloom again inside the high, old walls of the house. Donghun didn’t expect more from him. It was good enough. Something they all could start with. Byeongkwan had called Junhee creepy too when they had first met.

“You will get used to it.” Donghun told him and pressed a kiss on the younger’s temple. “Come, let’s find our wandering butterflies.” He said, smiling, and pulled the other two towards the stairs, their hands grasped tightly in his.

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there.  
> It has been a while.  
> First of all, a very happy new year. I'm sending my well wishes to each of you. Be happy and healthy. In the end, it's all that matters.  
> As much as I'm glad I managed to write something and got to relieve some of my piled up stress while doing so, I really don't like these chapters (or any other in that case), but I do hope you won't find them too disappointing.  
> Thank you so much for taking your time to read and leave kudos and comments behind. I greatly appreciate each of them.  
> I didn't get to fix the mistakes, so I apologize for them in advance.  
> Take care.

 

**Chapter Seven**

 

The next day Junhee woke up curled in Byeongkwan’s arms, his head lying comfortably on the younger’s softly moving chest. He had slept. For the first time in past weeks he had slept undisturbed for the entire night.

He freed himself from the younger’s embrace and rolled on his back, eyes fixed on the dusty ceiling above. A content smile found its way on his lips as he let the quiet, peaceful house greet him and envelope him in its tranquil, hopeful arms. He laid motionless for a few minutes and let the reality sink in and overtake his body. He had slept. _No one._ No one, none of his terrifying friends, had visited him at night. He had slept peacefully in his lovers’ arms. He turned his face slightly to the side to check if Donghun was still in bed with him and Byeongkwan, but the older male was nowhere in sight. He must have woken up early and left to check on the others.

Junhee’s smile grew wider at the thought, shaped itself from being content to almost excited. He felt his heart flutter inside his chest. _Hopeful._ He was already seeing the first sign. _Maybe._ Maybe this house could really bring them their much needed change. _Maybe._ Maybe this house could make everything better, stir them back to their lost ways, offer them their lost home, shelter them and keep them safe.

Junhee returned his attention to Byeongkwan beside him, still sleeping peacefully, serene, gentle, unworried, unafraid, just like Junhee always remembered, just like Junhee used to see him on most mornings before that day. _That day._ They had lost peace on that day and Junhee hoped they also hadn’t lost each other. He was seeing the first sign of things getting better. There was a chance and he would try his best to make use of it. He wouldn’t let it slip away. They would drift back to their lost home eventually. They always found their ways back and he hoped this new house, this peaceful, comforting, quiet house could help, would help, shelter them, take care of them, protect them as they would care for it in return.

Junhee placed a soft kiss on Byeongkwan’s lips, cautious to not startle the younger male, before carefully slipping out of the bed and grabbing a navy-blue printed silk gown from the couch by the window. He wrapped himself in it, its soft material slightly chilly and comforting against his warm skin. Donghun had left the bedroom door slightly ajar. Junhee tried to slip outside as quietly as the old door let him and hurriedly found his way down the stairs, wanting to find Donghun who had gone in bed with him and Byeongkwan last night and share his newly stirred hopes with the older male.

Junhee found him in the kitchen, with Sehyoon, both men humming softly as they fixed five plates of breakfast for themselves and their lovers. He couldn’t help a small, loving, warm smile dancing on his lips. The sight felt familiar, so familiar, he felt his heart burn in bitter-sweetness of the memories and in hopes, in hopes of the old times coming back, of their old home still finding its way back to him and his lovers.

Donghun and Sehyoon, being the only early risers out of the five, were in charge of fixing breakfast for everyone, most of the time, it was always them. It had always been them who had used to fill their once happy, lively, cozy apartment with their soft humming and quiet sounds of life moving inside its walls, greeting the early rays of sunshine as they prepared something nice, something homey to their sleeping boyfriends.

“Oh, you are up.” Donghun whispered as he turned away from the kitchen counter and his gaze fell on Junhee standing on the doorway, smiling gently at the sight of the two of them.

Junhee nodded, walking further in, heart fluttering warmly inside his chest. He felt it fill in warmth and happiness and in hope. He had missed seeing his two older lovers standing and humming side by side as they cooked together. It had become a rare sight in the past months and looking at them in this moment, made Junhee feel jittery, but not in an unpleasant way. The sight born hopes inside him, filled hollow of his heart with warmth and happiness.

Sehyoon turned to greet the younger, leaning over the narrow table to press a gentle kiss against Junhee’s lips.

“Did you sleep well?” Sehyoon asked as he moved back and let Donghun embrace Junhee in his arms.

“I did.” Junhee gave a simple nod in return, smiling widely at him as Donghun hugged him from the side, his lips coming in a feather like touch with Junhee’s temple. He leaned in the elder’s touch, resting his head on Donghun’s shoulder as he gazed at Sehyoon before them with a content smile still stretched across his face, eyes warm and sparkling in newly bloomed happiness.

The sight of the younger male smiling, the usual twinkle in Junhee’s eyes blinking up at them enough to warm the elders’ hearts, wrap them in its gentle, fragile blanket of happiness.

“Is Kwannie still asleep?” Donghun asked, gently swaying their bodies back and forth as Sehyoon continued humming a soft tune he and Donghun had been gently whispering when Junhee had walking in a few minutes earlier.

“He is.” Junhee nodded as he slowly detached himself from Donghun’s arms and slipped on one of the five chairs around the table. “And Channie? Is he...” He started, but trailed off, it had become a habit already, slightly afraid of finding out the answer, afraid that what he might hear destroy his newly born sources of faith and hopefulness.

Sehyoon, who was washing apples, stopped and turned to give him a small, encouraging smile, as if telling him to not be afraid and ask, as if he had something good to say, something, something good to share, finally a source of light among the darkness.

“I checked on him a few minutes ago. He was still asleep.” Sehyoon told him as he slipped in the chair in front of Junhee and took the younger’s hand in his. Junhee felt Donghun’s gentle hands coming to rest on his shoulders, rubbing them in comfort and in encouragement.

“Du.. During the night?” He asked, voice starting to tremble slightly. He leaned in Donghun’s touch and let Sehyoon’s soft fingers around his fill him with sense of security and of hopefulness. _He could be hopeful, could he not? It would get better, would it not?_

“Only woke up once, but it was nothing severe. Nothing like before.” Sehyoon said, still smiling gently at Junhee and Donghun on the other side of the dining table. “He was convinced someone was trying to open the windows from the outside and break in to hurt us, but I took him to my bedroom instead and he fell back asleep after a while.” Sehyoon explained, gently squeezing Junhee’s hand in process.

“And the.. The windows?” Junhee couldn’t help, but ask, worry swirling inside his chest.

“There was nothing, love, no one, it was just his mind.” Sehyoon assured him and Junhee nodded, relieved. He didn’t know what he would do, what they would do, if someone had followed them here. He just wanted to rest for a while, rest knowing they were safe, rest knowing his lovers were safe with him inside their new house, be unafraid and peaceful for a little while, for a little longer. “I told you to stop worrying too much, Junnie, he’s going to be fine. He has got us. He will be fine.” Sehyoon pressed a gentle kiss on the back of Junhee’s hand before letting go and slipping away from the chair, humming to himself once again as he returned to peeling the apples.

_Don’t worry, love._

_He’s going to be fine._

_He has got us._

_He will be fine._

_Fine._

They were going to be fine.

_Fine. Fine. Fine._

Junhee knew Sehyoon never broke his promises, especially the ones made with his lovers.

 

**Chapter Eight**

 

Donghun was walking inside the house to get some water from the kitchen when he caught a sight of struggling Yuchan by the corner of his eyes, standing on top of the staircase and holding onto the railings tightly as he fought against his weak body to somehow manage and walk down the stairs. Donghun felt his heart still nervously, in fear, and then he was running up on the staircase hurriedly and to his struggling youngest lover.

“Do you need some help, love?” Donghun breathed out in relief when his arms came around Yuchan’s small form securely, gathering the male’s thin waist in his hands. Donghun was relieved both because he found the younger on time before something could have happened and because Yuchan didn’t flinch away or cried for help when Donghun’s hands suddenly came in touch with his waist without any warning or permission in advance.

“I.. I wa.. want to.. to go o.. out.” Yuchan told him, leaned in Donghun's embrace and let the older male shoulder his trembling form. Donghun kept one of his palms securely on Yuchan’s waist, while the other found its place on the younger’s bony shoulder. It felt sharp and icy under his skin. Yuchan had lost so much weight in the past month. Donghun felt something press heavily on his chest.

“I will take you. Let's go. Slowly.” Donghun encouraged as he led the youngest lover of his down the stairs. “Step by step, yes, like that, love, carefully, carefully, don’t rush.” Few steps later Yuchan went completely numb in his embrace, as if he had fully trusted himself to Donghun to lead him outside and shelter him from any harm, and Donghun felt the younger tremble against him, his skin cold, icy almost, in complete contrast with Donghun’s exposed, burning arms.

“Junnie sat out a few chairs and a small table out. It's very lovely outside.” It was indeed very lovely outside. The first days of summer still making themselves comfortable among them, mid-afternoon sun warm and kind to everyone and everything that had a desire to bask under its glowing rays.

Yuchan stilled for a minute when they stepped outside and Donghun came to a halt along with the younger. He watched silently as Yuchan blinked for a few times, trying to adjust himself to the brightness and greenness suddenly surrounding them.

“It.. It is.. Is be.. Beauty..ful.” He breathed out and Donghun felt the younger’s body shift against his. As if any source of strength fully went out of Yuchan all at once. As if forcing himself to piece a simple sentence took all Yuchan’s energy away. Yuchan’s energy. _Endless. Ceaseless. Unending energy of the younger._ It all disappeared so simply, so fast, so easily, at the smallest of action. He felt his heart clench painfully, bitterly at the thought. _Yuchan, his Yuchan, their Yuchan,_ always energetic, always smiling, always sunny Yuchan struggled to gather enough energy inside his weakening body to piece a simple sentence. Donghun knew it wasn’t only because of the lack of energy his younger lover felt, but the thought, the comparison, the obvious contrast hurt him. The reality finally sunk in deep and slapped him hard across the face. But it was needed. Donghun knew it was needed. The realization pulled him back to his senses and reminded him of what had happened, who he was and where they were. Things had changed and if they wanted to keep their home, what they had and shared with each other, together, they also had to change. Time went, didn’t wait for him, for them for for anyone and it would leave them behind if they didn’t try to match with its pace. They had to get a hold of themselves and work together, in their usual perfect harmony, to rebuild their lost home out of bricks one more time. Shutting themselves away in their own shells, in their old memories would only do harm. They couldn’t stop life from happening, time from moving, no matter how hard they wished for the old times to come back, to return. They wouldn't. Past was past and it stayed exactly where it had happened. They shouldn't let the ghost of it haunt them for the rest of their lives. They had to take their pain and their mistakes and continue walking on their chosen path and believe that it would eventually lead them back to one another.

“Here, my love. Let’s have you sit down, okay?” Donghun helped the younger to the small table and a few chairs Junhee had put outside, just a few feet away from the house for him and his lovers to enjoy and get used to their new surroundings, _new place, new house, new home waiting to be built out of each other._

Yuchan weakly pointed him at one of the chairs, the one that could give him a better view of the small woods surrounding them, everything green and bright and warm. Donghun released him from his arms and crouched down beside the seated youngest, smiling up at him gently, Yuchan’s hands gathered in his own.

“Is there anything I can get you, my love?” Donghun asked and watched as Yuchan’s gaze slowly fell on him. He found himself holding his breath. As if he was terrified of the younger’s reaction, a sudden shift of light inside his sad, sad, aching eyes. Donghun wished he could ease and erase his pain. He wished he could ask Junhee to repaint Yuchan’s eyes full of sparkles and light, full of happiness and smiles, as he had used to. As he had always painted the youngest – full of light, full of happiness, full of energy, full of faith and hope, and of love, eager, unafraid, wild.

Yuchan shook his head slightly as he slowly freed one of his trembling hands from Donghun’s hold and let his chilly fingers wonder on his older lover’s face, cold, but gentle, and Yuchan’s, a slight gesture of gratitude, and of love, and of adoration dancing across his face. Yuchan tried to reflect Donghun’s loving smile on his own face. The result came out small and crooked and pained, but it meant something. _An attempt. A first attempt of smiling. Of changing._ It was better than nothing. It meant Yuchan was trying. It meant the younger hadn’t given up. _He would be fine. He would try to be fine_.

“Hello, loves.” Junhee sang sweetly as he came over to where Yuchan sat with Donghun crouched down by his side, wide smile adorning his lovely face, cheeks slightly rosy from the sun, eyes sparkly and face taken over by only one emotion - _love._ "Look what Byeongkwan brought for you, sunshine.” His smile grew a tad bit brighter, encouraging as he held out a small basket full of tangerines to the younger, turning it from left to right, showing off how beautiful they were. "The sunniest tangerines to the sunniest boy in the whole world." He said lovingly, almost bouncing on his feet as he placed the basket on the table in front of Yuchan, eyes expecting, waiting for any kind of reaction from the youngest lover of his.

“D.. Do I s.. still re.. mind yo.. you of.. of the s.. Sun?” Yuchan asked quietly, inaudible almost, his gaze dropping to the tangerines before him and then back up to Junhee's expecting face.

Donghun noticed how quickly, how suddenly Junhee grew stiff as if breathing had suddenly become an uncomfortable task for him to do, as if the air around him had suddenly grown thick and poisoning instead of fresh and light against his exposed skin. He watched silently as Junhee struggled to keep a smile, small smile, in comforts of Yuchan, on his face, fighting against himself to conceal a pained expression. He didn't want to worry or hurt Yuchan. Junhee bent down on the younger's eye level, trembling fingers reaching out to cup Yuchan's cheek. The youngest leaned in his touch, his own expecting eyes trained on Junhee's face.

“Of course, you do. Of course, you do, my love.” Junhee told him, voice quivering slightly. _Of course, he did._ _Of course, he did. How could he ever doubt?_

“E..even if I.. I .. I am no.. long..er bright?” Yuchan managed to ask, shakily, and Donghun had to press his lips together tightly to stop himself from breaking down, one hand holding Yuchan’s and another curled in a tight fist, knuckles turned white as he tried to keep himself together. He noticed how Junhee trembled, tears brimming in his eyes, threatening to fall any moment. For a second, for the smallest of moment, Donghun thought he would cry, break into tears right in front of Yuchan, but a second later he broke into a wide, loving, warm, confident smile, teary eyes locked with Yuchan’s, flames of fire dancing wildly inside them.

“You are always going to remind me of the sun, Channie. No matter what changes... No matter what happens… You are my sunny boy, our little sunshine, loved and adored by the sun and the sky and never, never doubt it please.” Junhee told him and Donghun choked on a silent sob, blinking hard to wash his gathering tears away.

Junhee’s words reminded him of something – Of a painting that hung in their new living room and a photograph that hung in Yuchan’s new bedroom. The first one was Junhee’s painting of the younger male – sitting on the green grass under the tree, orange sweater adorning his figure as he laughed at something, tangerines spilled around him, half-peeled one clasped in between his fingers.

It was Junhee’s first painting of Yuchan. They had known the younger male for a few months and he had happily agreed for his portrait to become one of the displays of Junhee’s very first exhibition. Junhee had gotten many calls after the exhibition had ended, many emails and texts and letters, asking about the painting, adding price by price, but Junhee had declined all of them. He had kept his very first painting of Yuchan for them – _The sunniest tangerines for the sunniest boy,_ he had called the painting once.

And the photograph in Yuchan’s bedroom. Donghun had taken the picture himself. Yuchan was standing next to the portrait of himself painted by Junhee that hung on a high wall of the art hall, smiling brightly at the camera, a single tangerine clasped in his hand. It was a beautiful picture. A very, very beautiful one – with a very beautiful boy and a very beautiful painting inside it - that would last life times. Donghun hoped it would last centuries, for the world to never forget its beauty and its liveliness and its light.

Donghun smiled at the memory. That had been the first day he had called Yuchan a lover. It had been on that day Yuchan had become theirs. His, and Junhee’s, and Sehyoon’s, and Byeongkwan’s. _Their lover._ It had been on that day Yuchan had become their sunny boy and he would always remain as one now matter how much time went, how things changed, how world tried to pull them apart.

Yuchan smiled, weakly, but genuinely at Junhee’s answer, quivering lips parting to say something, but the youngest’s eyes suddenly focused on something ahead, over Junhee’s bent head.

“Who is that?” Yuchan asked as he raised his trembling fingers and pointed at something in the distance. Donghun and junhee turned on instinct to follow the direction their youngest lover was pointing at. They found themselves staring at one of the old, moss covered statues standing among the trees by the entrance of the woods surrounding their manor.

“I don't know. Do you want me to go check?” Donghun asked and turned his attention back to the younger, hoping there would be any kind of indicator of who it belonged to or was dedicated to written on the statue if Yuchan really wanted him to find out. Unsure of why it would stir the younger’s interest so suddenly.

“N.. no.. I.. must b.. be our neigh.. bor.” Yuchan told him as he dropped his arm numbly on his side and returned his attention to the tangerine Junhee had peeled for him on the table.

_“Our neighbor?”_ Donghun whispered, confused as he glanced in between Yuchan and the statue before meeting eyes with Junhee. The younger seemed as lost by Yuchan's words as he was, his gaze questioning and full of confusion. _Their neighbor? What did Yuchan mean? They had no neighbors. Not a single soul lived within a fifteen minutes distance from the manor._

Junhee shook his head in response, signaling Donghun to not say anything, his face dripping in worry and sadness. Donghun reached over Yuchan's back to grasp onto Junhee's hand tightly, squeezing it in comfort - _it’s okay. It will be okay._

 

**Chapter Nine**

 

Byeongkwan was dragging a sky blue dressing table across now his own private dancing room when his gaze fell on Yuchan standing silently on the doorway, clutching a tangerine in between his fingers.

“B.. Byeo.. kwannie...” Yuchan said as he hesitated on the door way. As if he was waiting for Byeongkwan’s permission to let him in. Byeongkwan felt his heart fill in a single emotion that by now had become very familiar to him - rage, _pure rage._ He tried to push it back, resist against it, afraid that he might scare the youngest. The last thing he wanted to do right now. One of the things he would never want to do in his life. He would never want to see Yuchan flinch away from him. It would be the end of him. He would never want to be the cause of Yuchan's fright.

“Channie.” Byeongkwan let go of the table he realized he had been clutching onto tightly and moved closer to the younger, his arm coming up instinctively to offer the younger a firm ground to lean onto.

“I.. I am glad I fo.. fo..und y.. you.” Yuchan told him as he slipped his free hand in Byeongkwan’s and let the older male led him inside the room. “I.. ha..ve be.. been lo.. looking fo.. for you.”

“Really? You should have asked Junhee or Sehyoon. You shouldn’t use your energy so carelessly, Channie.” Byeongkwan told him, unable to hold himself back from scolding the younger. He was worried. Just like everyone else was. But he knew he should have kept his tone softer, when Yuchan’s eyes dropped from his face to the faded floor.

“Ca.. Careless..ly?” Yuchan questioned and Byeongkwan heard now a familiar trembling in his voice. He lifted his and Yuchan’s laced fingers and pressed a gentle kiss on the back of Yuchan’s hand.

“I’m sorry, Channie. I didn’t mean it in a bad way. I'm happy you wanted to see me.” He kissed Yuchan’s hand one more time before pressing it against his chest, feeling it tremble against his clothed skin, right above his madly beating heart, fragile, and gentle, and earning. “Is there a reason why you were looking for me?” He asked softly when Yuchan didn’t say anything for a few seconds and the younger finally lifted his head up, his broken gaze falling on Byeongkwan’s face.

Byeongkwan found looking into Yuchan’s aching eyes suffocating, guilt and shame instantly crawling up on him and clinging onto his back, pressing and pressing tighter against his skin, heavy and unbearable. He wanted to look away, avoid looking into the younger’s eyes, these sad, sad, lifeless, pained, lightless, fireless, exhausted eyes, eyes that were Yuchan’s, but felt like nothing of his youngest lover’s. These were not Yuchan’s eyes. These were eyes of an impostor that had been trying to deceive Yuchan’s lovers that it was him, their youngest lover, still their Yuchan, still their sunny boy, but Byeongkwan knew he wasn’t, compared to the others he knew he wasn’t. He had seen their sunny boy slip out of Yuchan and drift far, far away from Yuchan’s body on that day, _that day_ , leave nothing, but a hollow shell behind.

“I.. I bro.. brought you so..me..thing.” Yuchan told him as he freed his hand from Byeongkwan’s and pressed the tangerine he was holding in his other hand on Byeongkwan’s palm. Byeongkwan felt himself silently choke back on his tears, biting down on his lips hard to hold them back.

He took the tangerine and held Yuchan’s hand one more time. He caught something, something similar to old Yuchan’s light, something similar to their sunny boy’s light flicker in this Yuchan’s eyes for the briefest of moment, but it happened so fast, appeared and vanished so fast that Byeongkwan doubted himself, unsure if he had seen it right or if it had just been his wishful mind playing tricks on him.

“Thank you, Channie.” Byeongkwan managed a few seconds later, gathered himself together and leant closer to the younger, hesitant, afraid of Yuchan’s reaction. Yuchan lowered his head slightly and Byeongkwan got the message. “I love you.” He found himself loudly blurting out suddenly before pressing his lips on Yuchan’s head, feeling the younger shudder against him.

“I.. I lo.. love you to.. too K.. Kwa..nnie.” Yuchan whispered back, faintly, almost inaudible. Byeongkwan was still growing used to it. His hearing strained to not miss a thing.

He knew, could see, could feel, how hard Yuchan was trying to fight against himself, how hard he fought to not shriek away from his lover, to let his older lover hold him close, touch him, whisper to him how he loved him and return it all back.

_Their sunny boy._

_Always brave._

_Always full of courage._

_Maybe not everything had died on that day._

_Maybe not everything had slipped out of Yuchan._

“Here you are.” Donghun’s voice pulled Byeongkwan out of his thoughts and he gently leaned away from Yuchan, the younger’s hand still clasped in between his fingers.

Yuchan turned to look at Donghun and Byeongkwan caught something flicker inside his eyes one more time, but he didn’t know what it was. He wished he knew. He wished it meant there still was something. Some colour other than black and white and cloudy gray inside Yuchan, something soft, something light, something that didn’t mean pain and grief, and sadness, and fear, fear of life, of the world, of the people and of the four lover of his.

“Junnie wants to know if anyone wants something special for dinner. He says he will make anything of your liking.” Donghun informed them, smiling warmly at his younger lovers from the doorway.

“Do you want something, Channie?” Byeongkwan asked, turning his attention from Donghun to Yuchan beside him.

“N.. No. Yo.. you?” He looked back at Byeongkwan and Byeongkwan found himself being unable to resist a smile stretching out on his lips. He wanted to wrap Yuchan in his arms and hug him tightly against his chest, but he didn’t want to overstep his boundaries. Yuchan had already fought enough against himself for his lovers today.

“Neither do I. I already have something special.” His smile was replaced by a cat-like grin as he showed Donghun the tangerine Yuchan had given him and Byeongkwan felt his heart still. Yuchan smiled at him in return, small, and slightly crooked and pained, but he smiled. He tried to smile through all the pain and sadness and fear and terror and fright. He tried to smile. S _mile. Smile. Smile._

Byeongkwan felt his heart suddenly grow wings and soar the sky. _Hopeful._ He felt hopeful. He suddenly felt happy and hopeful. _Hopeful. Things would be fine._

“Well, okay then, I would eat a piece or two of your favourite tangerine cake, Channie.” Donghun flashed them a wide grin, a bit excited, a bit teasing, a bit loving before vanishing from their sight.

Byeongkwan and Yuchan stood still for a while and let the silence overtaking the house engulf them in its tranquil arms. Donghun’s voice reached them from the distance. He was calling Junhee. They heard Sehyoon scold Donghun for being too loud and heard Junhee laugh wholeheartedly at his older lovers, sound of his easy laughter shaking the core of this centuries old house.

_Life was blooming inside it._

_Five lives._

_Five different, but conjoined lives._

_Five lives currently crookedly mended into one._

_In need of some adjustment, in need of some fixing._

_Byeongkwan hoped this house would guide them home._

_Shelter them a_ _nd mend their lives back to its previous shape._

_Five perfectly molded in one._

“Le.. let’s go K.. Kwa..nnie.” Yuchan tugged onto his hand weakly and pulled him out of his thoughts.

“Let’s go find the others, Channie.” Byeongkwan kissed his hand one last time and carefully led his youngest lover out of the dancing room and to where his heart would take them.

He knew it always led to his lovers.

Byeongkwan trusted it blindly to always lead him to his lovers.

To only home he had.

To only home his heart knew.

_His lovers._

_His lovers._

_His lovers._

 

**Chapter Ten**

 

“Stay.” Yuchan whispered as he sleepily grabbed on Junhee’s hand. The youngest had fallen asleep on the couch beside Junhee as they had listened to the radio after dinner, listening to quiet, gentle melodies spill out of it and fill the whole house, lull them to their dreamlands as it wrapped them in its tender, comforting arms and Junhee had been the one to bring him up.

“I can’t, love.” Junhee said, trying to not show his regret and disappointment and sadness, and crouched down beside the bed, coming face to face with sadness-filled eyes of his younger lover. “You know we can’t sleep together for a little while, but do remember that I am always here, okay, love?” Junhee told him as he laid his palm on Yuchan’s chest and over his gently beating heart.

Yuchan put one of his hands over Junhee’s and squeezed it weakly, sad, disappointed eyes still locked with the elder’s. Junhee reached up to gently stroke the younger’s face, small, apologetic smile finding its place on his lips. He didn't want to say no to Yuchan. He had missed sleeping and waking up next to the younger, but they couldn't sleep together. It wasn't safe, not in their currect conditions. It could be dangerous.

“I’m always here, even if I am physically absent, you keep me here, you do, don’t you, my Channie?” Junhee asked and Yuchan nodded, small, dearly-missed smile adorning his serene face.

“I do. You are always here, Junnie.” Yuchan lightly patted on Junhee’s hand that laid on his chest and stopped struggling against the unbearable weight of exhaustion pressing down on him. The younger’s eyes fluttered close as Junhee placed a tender, feathery kiss on his cheek.

“I love you, our sunny boy.” He whispered and continued caressing Yuchan’s face, his gentle fingers painting the younger’s soft features over and over again until he was sure Yuchan was deep asleep.

Yuchan had tried to be active for the whole day and the entire day had passed with only minor accidents and episodes. Today had been better than any other in the past two months and Junhee couldn’t help, but let the flowers of hope and faith deepen their roots inside him. _It could get better -_ a hopeful voice inside him whispered, growning stronger and louder.

He was starting to believe that things could get better.

_They would make sure things would get better._

_It would._

_It would get better._

They could build their shattered home out of each other all over again, brick by brick, one step at a time.

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there.  
> Not much to be expected from this update, but I still hope you will enjoy reading it. I've finally gotten to the part I had figured and planned out even before I started working on this story and hopefully writing will be much easier and also, much better.  
> I hope you guys have caught on the little signs I have been leaving here and there through the chapters. They will come in handy in later chapters.  
> I'm not very imaginative when coming up with names, so don't be surprised when you find a familiar name in these chapters.  
> Thank you so much for taking your time to read. It's greatly appreciated.  
> I didn't get to fix mistakes, so I apologize for them in advance.  
> Take care.

 

**Chapter Eleven**

 

“You have a beautiful family, Donghun.” The woman told him as she joined him on the doorway to watch Junhee and Sehyoon work in the garden, laughing over something Sehyoon had said as they tried to pull out a deep root of one of the wild plants that had surrounded almost the entire garden out of the rough ground.

“Thank you, Hyeim.” Donghun directed a small, but grateful smile to her before turning away from the door. He walked to the curved, ivory sofa aligned in between the two statues that filled the corridor and lowered himself on the edge with a soft sigh.

“Oh, please, dear, you don’t need to.” Hyeim shook her hand in the air dismissively, cheeks dusting in faint pink. “If I won’t be intruding, you never told us what brings the five of you here?” She sat down beside him, smiling kindly at Donghun.

Donghun turned his attention from Junhee and Sehyoon outside to the middle-aged woman next to him. He found her pleasant. She was sweet and lovely and seemed to taken a liking of him and his lovers. Hyeim had come over to help them around the house for three days in row and Donghun and the others were forever grateful of her for her work.

Settling down in their new house was going smoothly so far and Donghun couldn’t help, but hope that the little signs of things getting better he had been seeing over the past few days would continue and they would eventually fell back to their usual routine, comfortable, and happy, and safe, in their new home.

“Various events over the past few months led us to a such decision. It was partially because of our youngest lover’s, Chan’s, you haven’t really gotten to meet him yet, have you? You will love him when you do, I can assure you. Chan... He is an absolute sweetheart. He is so...” Hyeim’s smile grew wider and Donghun realized that he was taking the conversation completely off topic, mind suddenly full of images of smiling Chan, laughing Chan, dancing Chan, singing Chan, screaming Chan, and then as if the light had completely shifted in him, his thoughts were full of images of crying Chan, bruised Chan, shivering Chan, pained, scared, terrified, broken Chan.

“Donghun.” Hyeim said his name in such a gentle, motherly tone and the images stopped flashing through his mind all at once as he concentrated back on the petite woman beside him. He cleared his throat, laughing lightly to himself, trying to shake of the haunting images off of his mind.

“As I was trying to say, it was partially because of Chan’s health and partially because of Junhee’s. They need to be in a quiet, peaceful surroundings and Junhee had fallen completely in love with this place when our agent sent us the pictures, so here we are now.” Donghun explained and both his and Hyeim’s gazes drifted back to Junhee and Sehyoon in the garden, collecting decaying leaves and debris, roots of wild plants and fallen tree branches together on the same place so it would be easier to get rid of them all at once later.

“I hope you will find what you are looking for here, Donghun.” Hyeim’s smile was gentle as she told him, her eyes still fixed on Donghun’s laughing lovers outside. For a few minutes they sat in silence and watched as Sehyoon dig out plants with hoe and Junhee collected them in a sack, turning the garden from looking completely abandoned to newly born one, signs of life returning to it minute by minute.

“Is it... Chan’s health issue, is it something serious?” Hyeim finally gathered courage to ask, still hesitant, cautious to not bring up a painful subject, her gentle face taken over by concern.

“It’s not something physical. Not really. He... Something happened and he had to go through a very traumatic experience.” Donghun tried to explain as simply as possible, without having to go in depth and reopen painful, still healing, barely closed wounds. He felt the usual heaviness, whenever he had to recall that day, grew stronger inside his chest. _Chan. Chan, who was an absolute sweetheart. How could something so cruel happen to someone as sweet and lovely as their Chan?_

“Oh, dear boy. Truly, truly heartbreaking, Donghun.” Hyeim placed a gentle hand on Donghun’s shoulder, her eyes full of compassion. Donghun smiled at her lightly in return. “I hope he feels better soon.”

Donghun parted his lips to thank her, but Byeongkwan suddenly announced his arrival back home and the words died unspoken in his throat. He gave the woman a small nod of acknowledgment and a thankful smile as he pushed himself off of the couch and went to welcome his younger lover home.

“Anyone? I’m home.” Byeongkwan called once more when no one answered or appeared to greet him, standing in the entryway and waiting for any of his lovers to return his calls. He caught a sight of Donghun appearing under the arch, smiling warmly at him and beckoning him close. Byeongkwan was quick to close the short distance in between them.

“Welcome home.” Donghun told him and placed a gentle _welcome home_ kiss on his younger lover’s cheek.

“I bought some tangerines on the way.” Byeongkwan raised his arm to show him a large paper bag full of tangerines. Byeongkwan kept buying more and more tangerines every time he went out in the town, which he did almost every day. Donghun tried to laugh it off, ignoring the painful clenching of his chest as he slid his arm under Byeongkwan’s and linked them together. _Byeongkwan still blamed himself. Byeongkwan still thought he was the one in blame. He still thought he was the one who had to make up for their mistakes to their youngest lover._

“Some?” He asked, raising a brow at the younger, causing Byeongkwan to break into a wide grin of his own, nodding eagerly.

“Yeah, some.” He turned toward the open doors of the garden and his eyes finally fell on Hyeim on the sofa, her warm gaze directed to the two of them.

“Hello, dear.” The woman smiled at him and stood up, smoothing down her sundress with her hand. “Do you want me to take them in the kitchen?” She gestured at the bag in his hand as she walked closer to where he stood with Donghun under the arch that kept the corridor separated from the entryway.

“Yes, thank you.” Byeongkwan gave her a polite bow as he handed her the bag. He turned back to Donghun when the woman disappeared from his line of sight. “Guess whose boyfriend got a position as the main choreographer?” He grinned up at the elder and wrapped his arms around Donghun’s neck, pulling him close, foreheads leaning against each other.

“Mine, no doubt.” Donghun slipped his other arm around Byeongkwan’s waist and pecked him on the lips. “We should celebrate.”

“We should.” Byeongkwan nodded, pleased, and pulled him in a kiss.

“Hmm.” Came a faked cough behind their backs and Donghun slowly pulled away from the younger to look over his shoulder. Junhee was poking his head inside the corridor, shaking it from side to side in disapproval. “Done stealing our share of kisses? If yes, we need some help in the garden.” Junhee tried to make himself sound serious as he beckoned them closer, but his act fell through mid-sentence and ended up grinning at them with his signature cat-like smile, eyes glinting as faint sunlight reaching from the outside fell across his face.

Donghun quickly pecked Byeongkwan on the lips one more time before tugging him to the garden by his wrist, startling a soft yelp of surprise out of the younger.

 

**Chapter Twelve**

 

“Donghun.” Hyeim’s voice pulled them out of their delightful reverie and four pair of eyes turned to look at her.

“Yes, what is it?” Donghun asked as he pushed himself up from the ground, concerned expression on her usually calm face stirring ways of uneasiness inside his chest.

“Ch… I didn’t check, but Chan might have been calling for you.” She told him and by the time she finished her sentence Donghun was running inside the house and up to the staircase, worried heart pounding loudly inside his chest. They had gotten so distracted by cleaning up the garden that they had completely forgotten to check on the younger, which they normally did in every thirty minutes.

Yuchan was standing on the doorway of their shared bedroom, still afraid of staying alone in his own from since their first night in the house, still convinced someone was trying to break in through the windows. He looked disorientated; eyes still sleep hazed and lost as he grasped the doorknob tightly with his fingers.

“Baby, love, are you alright?” Donghun asked, rushing by the younger’s side and pulling him close.

“I.. I.. Ha.. have been ca.. calling for… for you bu.. but no.. no one an.. answer..ed and I…” Yuchan trailed off mid-sentence and released a shaky breath, relieved by the thought that he hadn’t been left alone.

“It’s okay, love.” Donghun pressed his lips on the younger’s forehead, caressing the back of his neck with his hand. “We were out in the garden. Sorry we didn’t hear you. Do you want to come down with me?” Donghun suggested, fingers rubbing soothing circles on the younger’s nape. Yuchan gave him a small nod in return, clenching Donghun’s shirt in his desperate, but powerless fingers.

“Let me get your slippers first, okay?” Donghun released the younger’s ever trembling form and found his slippers by the foot of their vast bed, meant for five, but never truly shared as one. He helped Yuchan in them and shouldered him as the younger slipped his feet one by one inside. Donghun couldn’t help but smile as he stared down at the fuzzy puppy slippers adorning Yuchan’s trembling feet. They originally belonged to Sehyoon. The four of them had brought it for him two years ago as a Christmas’ present, but Yuchan had worn them more than Sehyoon had over the past two years.

Donghun reached up to comb Yuchan’s fallen, messy hair out of his face. He needed a haircut. His hair had gone completely wild in the past two months.

“Let’s go.” He whispered and kissed the younger’s forehead one more time before leading him down the stairs.

“Ha.. has Kwannie re.. returned?” Yuchan asked half-way down the staircase and Donghun nodded, smiling at him in return. “Di.. did he ge.. get the jo.. job?” Yuchan asked again and Donghun thought he was being more energetic today than any other in the past weeks and felt his heart flutter in happiness, his hold firm on the younger’s waist, _he will get better, he will recover_ \- a hopeful voice whispered repeatedly inside his head.

“Of course, he did. He is our Kwannie after all, isn’t he?” Donghun told him, grinning and his heart slammed against his chest when Yuchan laughed, faint and light and barely there, but still entrancing.

Donghun had missed Yuchan’s smiles and laughs. He missed them so much - as one would miss the sunlight if an eternal darkness suddenly fell upon the world, as one would miss the stars if the night sky suddenly turned starless.

“Si.. silly qu.. question to a.. ask, huh?” Yuchan said, little smile still stretched on his lips, and Donghun could no longer bear his happiness. He stopped and turned the younger slightly towards himself.

“I love you so much, Channie.” He confessed, suddenly, and caught a faint glimpse of surprise flicker in Yuchan’s eyes. The younger’s smile softened, stretched a bit wider, caused Donghun’s heart to slam wildly against his ribcage.

“I.. I.. lo.. love you too, H.. Hunn..ie.” Yuchan told him and leaned in his embrace, laying his head on Donghun’s chest, his thin limbs loosely wrapped around the elder’s waist.

“I love you.” Donghun repeated and his hand came up to rest on Yuchan’s hair, while the other remained wrapped around Yuchan’s waist.

_I love you._

_Could love be enough?_

 

**Chapter Thirteen**

 

“You must be Chan.” A gentle, female voice said and jolted Yuchan out of his tranced-state, causing him to flee on the other end of the sofa for shelter, small cry of horror leaving his quivering lips.

Hyeim, surprised, took a step back, hand coming up to rest on her chest. “I didn’t mean to frighten you, dear.” She tried, softly, smiling at the startled boy, but got nothing other than a frightened stare in return. “I’m your neighbor.” She explained, patiently, and waited for the boy to regain his composure, his wide eyes darting in between her and the widely ajar doors, faint sound of his boyfriends talking among each other outside reaching inside the corridor.

“Channie, love, are you still there?” Hyeim glanced to the direction the voice had come from and saw Sehyoon push himself up and hurry towards the door, no longer able to see his younger lover from where he had sat on the ground.

“Se... Yoonnie.” The boy wailed, hands thrown over his face.

Hyeim felt her heart clench in pity and sadness. She didn’t mean to startle the poor boy. Yuchan seemed frightened in a way she had never seen anyone before in her life and it stirred motherly worry in her chest.

“Channie, love.” Sehyoon rushed in, wiping his mud covered hands on his dirt stained jeans and took the younger male in his arms, sheltering him inside his embrace, his broad figure almost wholly swallowing Yuchan’s little, fading one. “It’s okay, baby, it’s okay. She won’t hurt you. She won’t hurt you I promise.” Sehyoon whispered words of comfort to the younger as he buried his face in Yuchan’s hair and gently rocked him from side to side.

Hyeim watched the exchange between the two lovers still in her frozen state and noticed how recognition and familiarity replaced fright in the boy’s eyes as his elder lover tried to soothe him down.

“I’m sorry, Hyeim, he isn’t us...” Sehyoon turned to look at her after he had managed to calm Yuchan down, apologetic, and Hyeim quickly shook her head at him.

“Oh, dear, no, I should be the sorry one. Donghun did tell me. I must apologize to this young man for frightening him like that.” Hyeim told him, smiling gently, her gaze motherly and warm.

“It.. It’s o.. o.. okay.” Yuchan told her instead of Sehyoon as Sehyoon released him from his embrace, the elder’s arm still wrapped securely around the younger’s waist. “I.. I am Ch.. Chan.”

“Very lovely to meet you, dear.” Hyeim directed her smile to him and lowered herself on the sofa, keeping a safe distance in between them, careful to not frighten the boy again. “You can call me Hyeim.”

“Ni.. nice to.. to me..et you.” Yuchan released shakily and Hyeim felt her heart fill in warmth and in so much sadness at the same time. She couldn’t, didn’t want to, imagine how horrible of a thing should have happened to the boy for him to be so afraid.

She had imagined Yuchan as someone cheerful and carefree, someone who would tell jokes and pull pranks and whose laughter would fill the entire mansion, but the trembling boy in front of her resembled nothing like the one smiling down at her from the fading walls of the house, his smile gone, sparkles no longer visible in his eyes, cheeks grown hollow and his entire being taken over only one emotion – _fear_.

Hyeim watched him and only saw and felt fear. As if it had made home inside the boy and someone had left the door open and fear spilled, and spilled, and spilled, but never run out, endless, ceaseless, eternal, _fear, fear, only fear._

She couldn’t help, but feel sorry and concerned of the boy. He must have gone through something so terrible, something so horrifying for his light, his light that Hyeim had felt so strongly from the paintings and pictures that adorned the entire house, disappear and fade away into something completely opposite, something that only resembled one feeling – _fear, fright and fear, horror and fear, terror and fear, fear,_ fear had fully taken over the boy and the sight, the comparison between the paintings and the reality broke her heart.

_Poor boys._

She had found them truly likeable, genuine and kind and sweet and utterly in love with each other and to see their eyes full of worry and fear, instead of happiness and love, stirred waves of sadness inside her heart.

“Oh, look here, I’ve gotten dirt on your face.” Sehyoon said suddenly, grinning down at Yuchan, his tone gentle and playful, as though he already knew what to do and say, as though he was completely unaffected by the small incident that had taken place just a minute before, calm and composed and sure.

Hyeim looked at them. There was a small smudge of dirt on Yuchan’s face where previously Sehyoon had laid his palm.

“I will get you a wet cloth.” Hyeim told him and got up, leaving the lovers on their own for a few minutes.

Yuchan was no longer hidden away in Sehyoon’s arms when she returned. He was sitting where she had first found him, his eyes no longer frantic, but dull and lightless, as he stared outside.

Sehyoon thanked her when she handed him a small material and turned to sit on her previous place on the sofa. She found her eyes following Yuchan’s gaze and falling on the statue of a little girl, standing among the row of flowers that had gone wild with years, with no one to show them care. The statue was covered in mold, obvious that the time hadn’t been too kind on it. Hyeim found nothing particularly special or interesting about it and her gaze returned to Yuchan, wondering what could have stirred his curiosity so much that he barely blinked as he continued staring at the statue.

“S.. such a love..ly ch.. child.” Yuchan whispered when Sehyoon slipped his fingers under the younger’s chin and turned it slightly towards himself. Yuchan’s gaze remained frozen on the same statue of a little girl. “I.. Is she y.. yours?” He suddenly asked, turning to look at Hyeim, smiling softly at her.

Hyeim tried to hide her surprise, but couldn’t hold a quiet gasp in, confused, her questioning, startled eyes fleeting in between Yuchan and the statue and finally to Sehyoon.

Sehyoon had stopped wiping Yuchan’s face and was looking back at her, his smile apologetic and eyes dripping in unspoken sadness. He shook his head slightly at her, as though he was trying to telling her to not say anything and ignore his younger lover’s unexpected question. Hyeim found herself nodding, slightly afraid, and very worried, very, very worried about Yuchan.

Donghun had told her that they had thought the manor to be the right place for them and for their youngest lover’s recovery, but Hyeim was no longer sure if this house really was the one.

She had never liked it much and neither had his husband. It was eerie and the statues that filled each corner of the house and the area surrounding it, always stirred slight feeling of fear inside her heart.

 

**Chapter Fourteen**

 

“Junnie.” Byeongkwan fell on the couch beside Junhee, laughing to himself as he laid his head on his lover’s lap, slightly tipsy from the red wine they had had over the dinner, face flushed dark red.

“Yes, love?” Junhee closed the book he was reading and put it aside before turning to smile down at his younger boyfriend, fingers reaching up to gently stroke Byeongkwan’s hair.

Donghun and Sehyoon had gone to bed with Yuchan after they had celebrated Byeongkwan’s new position and left the two of them on their own downstairs. They had done a great job today, almost fully had cleaned the garden from debris and wild plants, Hyeim who had come over again today, had helped them clean some of the unused rooms upstairs, and Yuchan, despite the minor episodes had laughed and smiled more than once at his lovers. The younger’s condition seemed to be getting better, much better than it had been before they had arrived at the manor.

Even Junhee himself felt better, much, much better. His migraines have lessened, both in frequency and strength, and no one, not a single night visitor, had come to see him at night since they had arrived at the manor.

Everything Junhee had hoped for as they had packed their belongings and left their previous apartment behind was slowly starting to shape true and he couldn’t help, but let himself finally feel at peace.

He had hoped for things to get better for them.

And just a few days since they had arrived at the manor, he was starting to see the signs. Of things getting better. Of Yuchan getting better. Of him getting better.

“Help me repaint the dressing table I found in the dancing room please.” Byeongkwan told him, nuzzling his face in Junhee’s palm. “I want to give Channie a present. Will you help me, my darling, my sugar, my sweetheart, my love, my an…?” Byeongkwan went on and if Junhee hadn’t pressed his palm against his mouth he was sure the younger would continue for the whole night. _Drunk Byeongkwan. Oh, how much Junhee had missed drunk Byeongkwan and his random blabbering._

He couldn’t remember the last time he had seen Byeongkwan or any others drunk. Two glasses of wine normally wasn’t strong enough to get any of them tipsy, but Byeongkwan. One gulp and he would be all flush-faced and talking things that made little to no sense to any of his lovers, but they still listened to him with sparkly eyes and full concentration nevertheless, enjoying whatever their drunk boyfriend had to tell and share.

“Of course, I will, love, of course, I will.” Junhee told him and leaned down to place a quick kiss on the younger’s reddened nose. “Tell me what you want to do and I will do. I will paint anything for you, my love.” Junhee smiled at him and Byeongkwan mirrored his action, his bright smile staring back up at the elder.

“I want to repaint it sky blue again and paint suns all over it, so many small, little suns, so when he looks at it he remembers that he will always be our sunny boy and that he must keep going and overcome the hard times.” Byeongkwan told him and Junhee couldn’t hold himself back from pampering his younger lover’s face with kisses, wanting to leave his trail on each corner of his mouth.

“I love you so much.” Junhee murmured against Byeongkwan’s lips.

“I love you too, Junhee.” And Byeongkwan murmured back, almost dreamily. “I love the four of you more than my own life.” He whispered and joined his mouth with Junhee’s, whispering quiet _I love you_ every time they broke apart.

Junhee wasn’t sure how many times or how long they had kissed or confessed, but he was completely breathless when they pulled apart, foreheads gently touching each other’s. He slipped his fingers from Byeongkwan’s face to the younger’s wrist and gently pulled him upright.

“We should head to bed.” Junhee said and as he was pulling Byeongkwan to his bedroom upstairs, he couldn’t help but think that they were finally regaining their footing on the ground, solid and in sync with one another, their tattered path finally directing itself back to their way home.

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there.  
> Here we go, the actual story is going to start happening after these chapters.   
> I didn't hate writing this chapter as much as I did the previous two and I hope it's a good sign.  
> I hope you will enjoy reading tonight's update.  
> I didn't get to fix the mistakes, so I apologize for them in advance.  
> Thank you so much for reading and for leaving kudos behind and taking your time to let me know your thoughts on the story. It's greatly appreciated.  
> Take care.

 

**Chapter Fifteen**

 

Yuchan startled to where he laid in between Junhee and Sehyoon, head rested in Byeongkwan’s lap who had made himself comfortable against the headboard of their shared bedroom’s spacious bed, as the sharp ringing of telephone travelled through and echoed in the quiet house.

“It’s okay, love.” Donghun assured him gently and stopped massaging the younger’s legs, pushing himself off of the bed to get the phone downstairs. “I’ll get it.” Donghun told them and carefully closed the door behind his back, image of Yuchan’s wide eyes fresh inside his head.

It was still early in the morning and him and his lovers had finally found some peace for the first time in months as they basked in each other’s company, so the call hadn’t pleased Donghun much. Who knew when would be the next time the five of them could lay beside each other like that, completely relaxed, unworried, content and full of warmth.

Yuchan had asked Sehyoon to bring the rest of them in their shared bedroom at six in the morning, when the sun had barely found its place on the sky and brought the light to the world.

The fear Donghun had felt when Sehyoon’s soft voice had pulled him out of his dreamland was still lingering inside his chest. He had scrambled out of the bed covers right away, ready to rush where he had left Yuchan and Sehyoon peacefully asleep after dinner yesterday, fearful _"Is Chan alright?"_ leaving his lips as he struggled to find his slippers.

Sehyoon had laughed, softly, and kissed him on the cheek, reassuring him that their youngest lover was fine and had been asking for the rest of them.

Yuchan hadn’t say a word to them when Sehyoon had led them inside the bedroom, just gave them a small smile and patted beside him on the bed, asking them silently to lie down, which they had done with so much delight, and even though Yuchan hadn’t uttered a single word for two hours the three of them had joined him and Sehyoon in the master bedroom, they found more peace in the silence that had made home among the five lovers than any other word would ever be able to bring them in that moment.

Donghun run down the stairs and to the living room, hurried so the caller wouldn’t tire of waiting. He had no idea who could be calling at this time, in their new house. His first guess was Hyeim or her husband, but he still found himself holding his breath as he pressed the speaker against his ear.

“Hello?” He asked, inhaling sharply.

“Detective Jung Hyunwook. Who am I speaking to?” Donghun recognized a deep voice of the male on the other end of the line. He and his lovers had met the man more than any of them would like to in the past month.

“Hello, Mr. Jung, it’s Lee Donghun.” Donghun said and felt his heart slam violently against his chest. The last time he had met the man was before they had moved out of their old apartment and he had told him he would only contact them if there would be any updates on his youngest lover’s case.

“Mr. Lee, I hope I’m not intruding. I’ve some news to deliver.” The detective told him and Donghun lowered himself in an armchair and rested the phone on the armrest, grasping the speaker tightly in between his fingers.

“You aren’t, sir. What seems to be the case?” Donghun asked after a few seconds of hesitancy, chest tightening as he waited for the man to further explain the purpose of his call.

“We might have found the suspects behind the assault of your lover. We need Kang Yuchan and Kim Byeongkwan to come in the office tomorrow or the day after tomorrow to identify the suspects. Is Mr. Kang in any condition to come in? We take his condition in consideration, but it’s important we do this as soon as possible. It will be better for you and your lovers to finally close the case and return to your usual lives.” Detective Jung explained and for a few seconds both men on the opposite lines of the call felt silent. _They have found the suspects._   _They have found the suspects._   _They have found them._ The voice repeated inside Donghun’s head and he suddenly felt furious, almost lost himself in rage. He wanted to meet each of them and rip them to shreds, hurt them as they had hurt his youngest lover, put them through as much pain as they had brought to him and his lovers, make sure they would never in their lives be able to hurt someone else again.

“I.. I understand, Mr. Jung.” After a few seconds of struggling Donghun finally found his voice, trying to compose himself and push the bubbling anger inside his chest away. _He needed to stay calm. His lovers needed him to stay calm and rational._ “I need to discuss something with my lovers first. I will get back to you in a few hours.”

“I understand, Mr. Lee, if you need any assistance do let me know.” The man told him and after exchanging formalities with one another Donghun hung up the phone.

He stayed seated in the armchair for a few minutes, trying to put his thoughts in the right order and find a way to break the news to his lovers. He had to discuss things first with Junhee, Sehyoon and Byeongkwan, and then all four of them together with Yuchan.

Donghun wasn’t sure if it was the right thing to do, but it had to be done. The sooner they would bring those people to justice the sooner they would be able to find peace and return to their usual daily routine.

They needed a closure. Yuchan needed to see justice.

He took a deep breath and pushed himself up, repeating the same sentences under his breath over and over again as he made his way upstairs.

 

**Chapter Sixteen**

 

Donghun immediately pulled the rest of his lovers out of the master bedroom after Yuchan had drifted back to sleep and ushered them in one of the rooms by the end of the corridor that was slowly shaping itself to Junhee’s art studio.

“Donghun, what a...” Junhee started, confused, when Donghun closed the door behind his back, acting strange and secretive out of blue, a gentle smiled he had directed to Yuchan when he had returned back to his lovers in the bedroom after taking the call absent from his lips.

Donghun hushed him by shaking his head at the younger, motioning the three of them to come closer.

“Detective Jung called.” He said and saw worry and fear flicker in his lovers’ eyes instantly.

“You said it was Hy...” Sehyoon started, but trailed off, shaking his hand in the air, as though signaling Donghun to continue whatever he had been trying to tell them, suddenly the three of them all eyes and ears.

“They found the suspects.” Donghun announced in a hush voice and the information stirred different reactions out of his lovers, relief washed over Junhee’s confused eyes before it was replaced by concern and fear, Byeongkwan muttered _“finally”_ under his breath, eyes burning in fire and anger, while Sehyoon remained neutral, _was he happy? Was he worried? Was he angry? Afraid maybe?_ Donghun couldn’t tell. Sehyoon was calm, just calm, as he had always been.

“Detective Jung wants Byeongkwan and Yuchan to identify the suspects, preferably tomorrow, but taking the distance in, it will have to be on the day after tomorrow.” Donghun explained to them and it was enough to draw a small reaction even out of Sehyoon. Junhee shook his head, worried, Byeongkwan gave him a firm nod, confident, while Sehyoon quietly whispered _“but Channie isn’t ready”_   to himself.

“No, Hun, Byeongkwan will go, but Channie, we can’t put Chan through all that again, not when he had finally started to show little signs of recovering. I won’t let you do that.” Junhee was quick to protest against the idea and Sehyoon nodded along, showing silent support to the younger’s words.

Donghun knew that. He knew all of that very well, but they didn’t have any other choice. They couldn’t keep running away. Not anymore. Because no matter how far they run, the memories, the horror, the terror of that day still managed to catch up with them. They needed a closure. They needed to put an end to the case and continue trying to move on, learn how to live with what had happened and steady their feet on the ground. Running away wouldn't solve anything, it only made moving on harder for them.

“Junhee, love, I know, I do, love, I do.” Donghun took Junhee’s hands in his. “But he needs to identify them. We want Channie to finally see justice, don’t we? They just need him to look at the person and say yes or no, I know it’s going to be hard, but we need him to do it, he needs to do it. We can’t keep running away like that. It’s time we leave it all in the past and continue living. We can’t let it tear us apart anymore. We have hurt enough, Channie, our sunny Channie, has hurt enough. It’s time we put an end to it.” Donghun tried to assure the younger and saw understanding replace worry and fear inside Junhee’s eyes.

“I don’t know, Donghun. Can’t they wait for at least a week? I don’t think he will be able to handle that much stress. He is still hurting so much, we can’t risk hurting him more than he already has.” Junhee said and avoided his gaze. Donghun understood. Junhee knew he did. But they had to do it.

“I will see what could be done.” Donghun squeezed the younger’s hands, in reassurance, before releasing them and turning to Sehyoon. “Can you contact Channie’s psychiatrist, love?”

“Of course,” Sehyoon gave him a soft smile before slipping his arm under Junhee’s and tugging him gently towards the door. “Come, Junnie.”

Donghun and Byeongkwan watched silently as Sehyoon led Junhee out of the room, whispering something quietly to the younger. The door closed behind their backs and Donghun slipped his fingers in between Byeongkwan’s, gripping the younger's hand tightly with his and pulled him closer.

“It will be fine.” Byeongkwan told him and Donghun wanted nothing more than in life, but to believe the younger’s words.

 

**Chapter Seventeen**

 

“Channie.” Sehyoon whispered and gently laid his palm on Yuchan’s shoulder. His younger lover had curled into himself on an armchair in their master bedroom, almost lost in its spaciousness, as he stared outside, the green woods surrounding the manor offering peace to its observers, lost in his thoughts and wondering somewhere far from the room that had given him shelter. “Channie, love.” Sehyoon whispered once more and his soft voice finally caught the younger’s attention.

“Wha... Yoon..nie, wha.. what is.. is it?” Yuchan turned his head up to gaze at Sehyoon, eyes displaying slight fright and fear warming instantly at the sight of his older lover’s smiling face.

“Will you come with me downstairs?” Sehyoon walked around the armchair to stand in front of the younger, arm held out in a silent gesture that Yuchan could hold onto it for support if he needed to.

“Is.. Is e.. every..thing a.. alright?” Yuchan asked, voice breaking in worry and fear and sadness, full of frightful emotions that had made home inside the younger’s once lively, bright, colorful eyes. He slipped his fingers in between Sehyoon’s and when the older male gently pulled him up and closer to his chest, completely leaned his feather-like weight against Sehyoon’s for support, trusting him blindly to shoulder him, to be a solid ground for him to lean on whenever he needed to hold himself still, the elder’s calmness and peacefulness always finding their ways inside the younger.

“Don’t worry.” Sehyoon kissed the back of Yuchan’s hand, smiling at him, assuring, soft, peaceful, gentle, always gentle. “I’m here with you.” Sehyoon promised and Yuchan gave him a little nod in return, trusting the elder male to shelter him from any harm, protect him from the cruelty of the world, but mostly of the people in it. The world, it wasn’t cruel or kind, sad or happy, full of darkness or full of light, it was neither of those, not for Yuchan at least, it was people inside it who brought colors to the world and filled it with all kinds of light – dark and bright, happy and sad, cruel and kind. And Yuchan, Yuchan who had always believed in all things good, in the power of kindness and of positivity, in the mere span of two months, had come to learn in the cruelest way possible that most people acted upon their darkness out of ignorance and fear and filled the world with their cruelty, born fear in the fearless, and brought pain to those who only wanted to give happiness to the people in their lives.

Sehyoon whispered some short story he had come up with to the younger as he led him down the stairs. Yuchan liked his stories, some silly, some not much, but Yuchan liked them nevertheless, asked him for more of them, whenever he felt well enough even told him how they gave him hope that he could get better again, gave him hope that even though some people had been cruel to him, not everyone else was bad, and there still was place for some kindness and love and care and happiness in this world.

Yuchan liked his stories, some merely a few sentences long, and Sehyoon kept making up them, shaped hundreds of different worlds for the youngest, comforted him with his carefully pieced words and characters.

If his stories could bring Yuchan even the smallest of comfort Sehyoon would make millions of them for the younger, write and rewrite the whole world over and over again.

There was something each story of Sehyoon’s written for Yuchan had in common, something Yuchan liked his stories for – it always involved the same five boys who always found a way to be happy with each other in every scenario and universe.

“Can you guess what happened to them in the end?” Sehyoon asked, smiling at the younger, and Yuchan tried to give him a nod as eager as his condition made it possible.

“The.. They jo.. joined the.. their l.. lights to.. to dis.. dissipate the dark..ness and fo.. found him.” Yuchan said and Sehyoon thought the younger sounded pleased with such an ending.

“That’s exactly how it was. They found him and took him back to their planet and lived happily ever after together in their home made of thousands of tangerines.” Sehyoon added, laughing lightly, as he led Yuchan inside the living room, their awaiting lovers turning instantly to look at them.

“Ta.. Tangerines?” Sehyoon’s heart danced in circles like a drunk, hopeless fool, when Yuchan turned his eyes up at him, fear replaced by slight glint of surprise and slight glint of excitement inside them. “I.. I wo.. would e.. eat the who.. whole ho.. house in a.. a day.” Yuchan told him with slight hint of playfulness in his tone and Sehyoon couldn’t help but pull the younger closer, his heart slamming against his chest like a drunk would fell by the side of the road. But compared to the other drunks, Sehyoon's heart was drunk in love and in happiness.

“I’m sure you would.” Sehyoon told him, lips stretched in a delightful smile, and released Yuchan’s waist, so the younger could sit beside Byeongkwan on the couch. “But that would be fine, because we would build another the next day.” Sehyoon lowered himself next to Yuchan and nestled his palm in the younger’s lap, a silent, but reassuring and comforting presence.

Yuchan nodded, satisfied with his answer and let his eyes wander around the living room and on the faces of his lovers. Junhee sat in the armchair beside the couch, while Donghun had made himself comfortable on the armrest, one arm draped around Junhee as the younger nervously played with his fingers.

“Channie, love.” Donghun said and pushed himself off of the armchair to crouch down in front of Yuchan's eye-level. “We have something to tell you, but don’t worry please, okay, love?” Donghun told the younger and laid his palms upwards in the air in between him and Yuchan, a silent way of asking Yuchan if it was alright to hold his hands.

“O.. Okay.” Yuchan laid his hands over Donghun’s and the elder wrapped them securely in between his fingers, smiling gently at his youngest lover.

Sehyoon watched as Yuchan’s eyes darted nervously around the room, roamed on their faces to find an answer, to find something, a gesture, a sign, that could comfort and reassure him.

“It’s okay. We are here.” Sehyoon whispered and Yuchan’s eyes fell on his face. He gave the younger a small smile, his heart standing still as he waited for Donghun to break the news to the youngest.

“Channie, detective Jung, do you remember him, love? He called and... He called and told us that they had found the suspects.” Donghun explained and stilled for a moment, hesitated to see Yuchan’s reaction, but the younger remained still, gaze slightly lost, seeming somewhat absent from his body as he stared at Donghun, complete opposite of the previous liveliness Sehyoon had caught in his eyes.

_Please, Channie. You can do it._ Sehyoon found himself silently wishing inside his head, lips pressed together as he waited for the reaction.

He glanced at Byeongkwan on the other side of Yuchan, all tensed muscles and stiff shoulders, gripping his knees tightly with his fingers. His gaze wandered from Byeongkwan to Junhee, curled in the armchair, hugging his legs to his chest as he watched his lovers, eyes frozen on them, unblinking, still, and rigid, and silent.

Both Byeongkwan and Junhee reminded Sehyoon of the statues filling the manor, as though they had become parts of them in the span of ten minutes Sehyoon had left to help Yuchan downstairs.

“N.. No. Y.. You pro.. promised. Y.. You promised. You pro.. promised me...” Sehyoon startled as sudden cries of Yuchan filled the living room and pulled him out of his thoughts. Sehyoon felt the younger tremble under his palm, frantic, and afraid, and pleading, pleading for his lovers to help. “You.. You promised I.. I wo.. would ne.. never have to.. to go ba.. back. You pro.. promised. W.. Why a.. are you d.. doing this..s? You pro.. promised. P.. please. You promised.” Yuchan was crying and pulling himself away from Donghun and then from Sehyoon and from Byeongkwan and Junhee, curling into himself on the couch, arms thrown over his head as he cried and pleaded and asked them to not take him back.

Junhee was first to turn away. Sehyoon saw tears staining Junhee’s cheeks before the younger could hide his face in his hands, not wanting Yuchan to see him crying, not wanting to further worry and scare the younger.

Byeongkwan, brought back to life by Yuchan’s desperate pleas, kept glancing in between Junhee and Yuchan and his own hands, unsure of what to do, not knowing who to comfort, how to help. His eyes met Sehyoon’s over Yuchan’s shaking head and Sehyoon nodded him to Junhee and in a heartbeat Byeongkwan was pulling Junhee in his arms and was rocking him gently against his chest.

“Channie, my love, listen to me please.” Donghun tried and tried and tried again, but Yuchan didn’t want to hear him, shaking his head, hiding himself away from the older male.

Sehyoon laid his palm on Donghun’s back to gather his attention from Yuchan to himself and Donghun’s worried, frantic eyes turned up to his face, anguished, regretful, desperate.

“I will try to talk to him.” Sehyoon told him, soft and composed, as though completely unaffected, and nodded him to Byeongkwan and crying Junhee. “Take Junnie outside.” Sehyoon instructed him gently and a second later, Byeongkwan was holding Junhee against his chest as Donghun led them out of the living room.

Sehyoon hesitated, waited for the main door of the house to shut close behind his lovers, before turning his attention from the living room door to Yuchan beside him on the couch.

“It’s okay, Channie.” Sehyoon whispered and wrapped his arm around the younger’s head, his palm laid gently on Yuchan’s hair. “I’m here. It’s okay. You will be fine. It’s okay. I’m here. It’s okay, love. You will be fine. It’s okay, love.” Sehyoon repeated, softly, endlessly, until Yuchan’s cries started to cease, until he could no longer feel his own lips, but kept whispering the same simple, but soothing sentences to the younger nevertheless, over and over again, until Yuchan heard and understood and believed the meaning behind each of them.

“It’s okay, love. It’s okay. I’m here. You are safe.” Sehyoon wasn’t sure how long it took for Yuchan to calm down, for the younger to open himself to him again and be unafraid to let Sehyoon shelter him inside his embrace, but when he did, he tried to hold against his fears and listen to what Sehyoon had to tell him and Sehyoon only being good at inventing stories told him about the five boys who had lost their peace and happiness and if they wanted to find them again the fifth and the youngest boy had to be brave, braver than the elders to slay the grey man, Sehyoon regarded as fear, and take their home and what once had been theirs back.

Yuchan had nodded and promised Sehyoon that he would defeat the grey man for them before he had passed out against the elder’s chest, completely worn out and exhausted.

 

**Chapter Eighteen**

 

“Hyeim?” Donghun asked instead of a greeting and pressed the speaker closer to his ear when his call was received on the other end of the line.

“Donghun? What is it, dear?” Hyeim sounded worried when she answered him.

“I’m sorry to disturb you at such a late hour, but something urgent came up and my lovers and I have a favour to ask of you and your husband.” Donghun explained as he continued playing with a knitted material laid over the telephone table.

“Don’t worry, dear. Is everything alright?” Hyeim assured him and Donghun released a shaky breath before answering her.

“I know it’s a lot to ask, but Sehyoon, Byeongkwan, Yuchan and I are leaving for two days tomorrow morning, and could you and your husband please stay with Junhee until we return? We don’t want to leave him all alone in a new house, with no neighbors around. Especially, at night.” Donghun told her with a held breath and the silence fell on the other end of the line for a few seconds. He could hear distant sound of Hyeim whispering something to who Donghun assumed was her husband as he waited for her to reply.

“Donghun, dear, of course, of course, he can even stay with us if he wants to.” Hyeim agreed and Donghun released a relieved sigh.

He didn’t want to leave Junhee alone and he didn’t want to force the younger to go with them either. He understood his reasons. He would stay back and never return to that cursed city if he were not needed to assist two of his lovers at the police station. He had been the one to open the case after all. They had wanted Sehyoon to stay with Junhee at first, but they couldn’t deny the smallest source of comfort to Yuchan. He would need Sehyoon more than any of them in the next two days.

“Thank you, Hyeim. Truly, thank you.” Donghun thanked her, full of gratitude towards the woman. She had been nothing, but kind and helpful to him and his lovers since the day they had moved in the manor.

“Good night, dear. I will see you tomorrow morning.” Hyeim wished him a good night and Donghun returned her kind wishes before hanging up, heart shaking in worry and in nervousness.

He lowered himself in the couch and rested his head on his hands, rubbing his palms over his face to keep himself awake. He felt heavy and the worry building up inside his chest was becoming suffocating, but he had to endure. His lovers had endured so much and now it was Donghun’s time to endure for them, shoulder and ease their pain as much as his abilities would let him.

“Come to bed, love.” Donghun heard a gentle voice say from the doorway and released his head to look at Sehyoon behind him, smiling softly at him.

Donghun forced himself to get up and walked over to the younger, his legs heavy and barely obeying their owner. Sehyoon opened his arms and Donghun let himself be buried in the other’s gentle embrace.

“It will be fine.” Sehyoon whispered and kissed his temple before turning on his heels and leading Donghun upstairs.

_It will be fine. Oh, how much Donghun wanted to believe them._

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there.  
> I hope you will enjoy reading today's update. It's not much, but we are getting there. Any thoughts on Junhee?  
> I will try to update soon as the upcoming chapters had been since long planned out and I'm still on a vacation and have got a lot of free time.  
> Thank you so much for reading. I appreciate it a lot.  
> The usual goes for the mistakes. I don't have enough patience to fix them, so my apologies in advance.  
> Take care.

 

**Chapter Nineteen**

 

“Are you sure you want to stay?” Donghun came to a halt by the driver’s side of Sehyoon’s car and turned to look at Junhee walking behind him silently.

“I’m not, Hun, but I’d rather stay here than go back.” Junhee told him as he hesitated a step away from where Donghun had stopped in his tracks and tried to give the elder a small smile, which didn’t convince and reassure Donghun much, as it came out slightly crooked and nervous, and very, very frightened.

“Come here.” Donghun reached his arms out to the younger and beckoned him closer.

Junhee seemed small, his slight form almost lost in his large navy blue robe, eyes brimming in worry and anxiousness, trembling fingers almost disappearing under the long sleeves of his dressing gown.

“It’s all going to be alright, okay?” Donghun gathered Junhee’s pale cheeks in between his palms, large enough to almost entirely cover the younger’s small face, and brushed Junhee’s fallen hair out of his face. “I promise, okay? It’s all going to be alright.” He promised and placed a gentle kiss on his younger lover’s forehead.

“Okay.” Junhee nodded, unsurely, hesitantly, as though he was struggling to believe his older lover's promises, and let Donghun wrap his smaller form in his arms and give him comfort as he buried him in his embrace.

_It’s going to be alright._

_Alright._

_Donghun had promised._

Donghun had never broken his promises before and Junhee wanted to believe that he wouldn’t start breaking them now.

“Call me, okay? As soon as you arrive and if something happens, call me, okay? I need you to call me, Hun, okay?” Junhee pleaded, sounding desperate, as he pulled away from the elder’s arms and watched with growing worry in his eyes as Sehyoon and Byeongkwan helped Yuchan down the small concrete staircase, whispering something, probably phrases of encouragement and comfort and promises of it will be fine, to their youngest lover.

“You too, love, call me if something doesn’t feel right or if there is something on your mind bothering you. No matter the time, you should call us, okay?” Donghun told him and tried to take the younger’s hand in his, but before his fingers could cage Junhee’s in between them, he moved away and drifted on the other side of the car, waiting for the rest of his lovers to arrive.

Donghun’s gaze followed Junhee’s small frame and watched as the younger embraced Yuchan in his arms, cautious, careful, gentle, afraid of causing their youngest lover any more harm or fright.

“It will be fine, Channie.” Donghun heard Junhee reassure Yuchan and watched as the youngest gave Junhee a small nod in return. Junhee gathered Yuchan’s face in his hands and let his lips linger in a feathery kiss on the younger’s forehead. “It will be fine.” Junhee repeated once he had moved away and held onto Yuchan’s hand instead.

Byeongkwan pulled the backdoor of the car open and let Junhee help Yuchan inside the car. Donghun mirrored the younger’s actions and slipped in the driver’s seat, turning slightly to give his youngest lover an encouraging smile. Yuchan reached his trembling hand out to him and Donghun slipped his fingers in between the younger’s, holding it carefully in his hand.

“Everything is going to be alright.” Donghun said before kissing the back of Yuchan’s hand.

“Pro... Promise?” Yuchan asked and managed a small smile. The ache inside the younger’s eyes despite the smile on his lips caused Donghun to grimace slightly at the sudden pain in his chest.

“I promise, Channie, I promise.” Donghun promised and tried to ignore the growing pain in his chest as he let his eyes wander outside of the car.

The house stood still and silent, as peaceful as it had been on the first time Donghun had come to see it. It stirred a sense of security inside him and gave room to worry in the growing hollow of Donghun’s chest. He was about to drive his lovers out of the only safe place they had come to find after weeks-long of searching on his own will and leave only one of them behind, far from them, separated, away from their eyes, their hearing, from their arms to shelter him if something bad were to happen.

Byeongkwan pulled the door on the passenger side open and slipped next to him inside the car, squeezing Donghun’s shoulder in a silent show of support as he made himself comfortable in his seat.

Donghun watched Junhee whisper something to Sehyoon before placing a kiss on Sehyoon’s cheek and stepping aside. Sehyoon took his place beside Yuchan on the backseat and let the youngest lover of their lean against his shoulder and find some rest.

“I love you.” Junhee leaned inside the open door, smiling at them, sad, and worried, and afraid, but trying his best to mask his emotions with his undeniable love of the other four men. “Be safe.” He added and his eyes met Donghun’s, silently asking for comfort and assurance from the older male. Donghun nodded as the four of them echoed Junhee’s quiet confessions back to him.

Junhee reached in to gently stroke Yuchan’s cheek, giving their youngest lover one last encouraging, loving, warm smile before stepping back and carefully closing the door on Sehyoon’s side.

Donghun gave Yuchan’s hand a gentle squeeze before letting their fingers part ways and drove the car out of the open gates of their new house, eyes still lingering on Junhee’s slight form through the rearview mirror as the younger stood and waved at them until Donghun took a turn and Junhee disappeared behind the thick row of trees surrounding the manor.

“He will be fine.” Byeongkwan said, trying to reassure both himself and them, and squeezed Donghun’s arm.

Donghun nodded and tried to seem convinced, _He will be fine, will he? Will they?_ He had forgotten how it felt to be fine. He had forgotten how it felt to be at peace with himself and his surroundings. He had forgotten how it felt to be safe and unworried and unafraid. They had spent each day in the past months in fear and worry.

 _We just have to make it through the next two days with as little of damage as possible._ Donghun tried to convince himself in order to keep himself together for his own and his lovers’ sakes.

Their biggest concern right now was to make sure Yuchan wouldn’t relapse back to how he had been in the first two weeks of his recovery. They had to make sure the youngest could remain as close to his current state as the circumstances would let them.

He glanced at Yuchan and Sehyoon on the backseat. Sehyoon was gently running his fingers in Yuchan’s hair as he hummed a soothing melody to the younger.

_He will be fine._

_Fine._

_Fine._

_Please be fine._

 

**Chapter Twenty**

 

“Junhee, dear, what are you doing?” Junhee startled at the unexpected call of his name, jumping slightly on where he stood before spinning around on his heels, hand instantly coming up to rest on his chest in relief as his eyes landed on Hyeim standing on the doorway, gazing at him with obvious concern in her eyes.

“Oh, Hyeim, you startled me.” Junhee released a shaky breath and lowered himself inside the closest armchair to the window he had been gazing outside of just a minute prior. “Come sit and tell me what you think.” Junhee motioned her to the couch and waved her closer, chest still heaving, as if he was having trouble breathing.

“Are you alright, dear?” Hyeim asked, worried and slightly thrown off by the way Junhee was acting, but sat to where the young man had pointed at nevertheless.

“The house is dark, isn’t it?” Junhee asked, brushing Hyeim’s question aside, as his wide eyes roamed around the living room as though he was searching for something, but didn’t know what it exactly was that he was looking for. “I have opened every door and window downstairs, but the house, the house remains dark.” Junhee confessed, worry clear in his voice.

Hyeim looked around the living room, followed the young male’s gaze, but found nothing out of usual about the house. It stirred the same feeling it always had inside her. The house was strange, but it was not dark. At least, not anymore, as the light spilled inside from every window and door one could locate on the first floor of the house.

“You are worried, dear.” Hyeim tried to soothe Junhee’s troubled mind. It must have been hard for him to send his lovers away, back to where they had run from, and to stay all alone in still an unfamiliar house. “Perhaps it will help a little to go outside in the sun? I can accompany you. Why won’t we sit in the garden? You boys have given a completely new life to it with your persistent hard work.” She knew Junhee loved the garden and tried to give the boy something to wonder and talk about, to take his anxious mind off of his worries and troubles for a little while.

“Thank you, Hyeim. Later, maybe.” Junhee leaned in his chair wearily, still dressed in the same blue gown Hyeim had found him sitting on the staircase when she had arrived at the manor in the morning, hair falling on his face disheveled. He had clearly forgotten to comb it in the midst of continuous worrying about his lovers. “They could call any time and I don’t want to miss them.” Junhee said and Hyeim nodded in understanding. It had only been a few hours since they had left and Hyeim knew they wouldn’t be arriving in the city they had come from to their deserted village for a few more hours, but she didn’t want to force him. The boy seemed troubled enough on his own.

“Okay, dear, is there anything I can do for you?” She asked, genuine, and Junhee managed to give her a thankful smile before straightening up in the armchair and reaching his trembling hand out for her. Hyeim laid her palm over the boy’s stretched out hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

“Thank you, Hyeim.” Junhee whispered as though he was having trouble forcing words out of his mouth.

Hyeim noticed unshed tears starting to gather in Junhee’s eyes and felt her heart clench in worry and sadness and in compassion inside her chest. They must have experienced something truly, truly horrible in their lives for each five of them to seem so agonized and broken, ache clear in their eyes, fear and sadness obvious in their words and actions and expressions.

The young men she had met and get to know a little about were so, so terrifyingly different from the boys smiling down at her from the paintings and photographs filling the house.

She wanted to ask, help them find a way to ease their pain, but she didn’t know how to without causing them so much pain, so she held Junhee’s hand in hers and rubbed it gently, in comfort, trying to soothe him in the absence of his lovers.

“They will be fine, dear.” Hyeim told him and gave him a motherly smile, warm and kind and full of assurance. “And so will you.”

 

**Chapter Twenty-One**

 

“You should eat something, dear.” Hyeim had been trying to convince Junhee to eat for the whole day, but all her attempts went in vain as Junhee refused to move from the armchair beside the telephone table, waiting for his lovers to call, announce their safe arrival at the hotel they had booked in advance.

The lunch had gone silently, she had tried to find a way to make him eat, but the young man had refused with an excuse of having no appetite, and dinner was about to pass by with the same excuse as Junhee curled into himself in the armchair and gazed outside of the house from one of the windows still left ajar.

“Come eat dinner with Hajoon and me, dear.” Hyeim sounded almost pleading, her motherly heart not letting her leave the boy alone with his thoughts, worried and slightly afraid of his well being.

 “Come, darling, let’s give him some time alone.” Her husband, Hajoon, wrapped a gentle arm around Hyeim’s shoulder and led her outside of the living room. He had come to stay with her and Junhee in the manor after work and Hyeim had asked him to help convinced the boy to eat something, but Hajoon had given up after the third try.

“He hasn’t eaten anything today.” Hyeim told him and let her husband guide her through the entryway and inside the kitchen.

“I know, dear, but what good will forcing him do?” Hajoon released her petite form and sat down on the chair across his wife on the table, dishes already laid out in between them.

“Poor boys, Hajoon, poor boys, they must have gone through so much and I can see, and feel, fear and worry in their eyes. Whatever they had gone through had made their love stronger, but I can see that they are starting to doubt if love is enough.” Hyeim laid out her heavy heart in front of her husband and Hajoon took her hand in his.

“It is enough, dear, it always is. And even if it's not, there is nothing we can do about it. We can only love someone and hope it's enough. We can only love someone and hope for the best. That's all I think there is to it.” He told her and rubbed her hand in comfort. “Right now, they are afraid and the fear had blinded them, but if their love is true, they will make through it. There is nothing you can do to help, Hyeim. They are afraid, because they have never thought there would come a day they would only have love left connecting with one another, but if they truly, truly love each other, my dear, they will survive whatever they are fighting their way through.” Hajoon smiled at her when he felt Hyeim relax under his palm.

 “When things happen, things we have never been prepared for, they demand for change, things change and we need to change too. There is no ‘things are not going right’ or ‘things are going wrong’, one is either walking on the right path or on the wrong path, and they need to realize that even though this is not what they were meant to be, this is where life had led them to, and if they want to make things work, they need to leave their past way behind and adjust to the new one, right now, all they are thinking of is how things used to be in the past and it is not doing any of them any good, but they will realize, when the time is right and if their love is true, they will learn how to live with what they have now and who they have become.” Hyeim nodded, softly, in understanding, as her husband’s words slowly soothed her worried heart.

“The memories are scary things, my dear, sometimes they can trick us into believing that past was better than present could ever be and future will ever get, sometimes memories trick us into believing that they are better than the reality of our right now, when they are not, they are things of past, and life, life is only now. These boys are still weeping over the memories of what they used to be and they are blind to see what they could become. You tell me they had gone through so much together and it had made their love stronger, but if they keep dwelling on the past, love won’t be enough, love will never be enough if one wants to stay in the past and leave present behind, because life is now, and the past, the past is all things dead, gone, unable to return. When they stop wishing for the past to come back, then their love will be enough, then even the smallest of faith and hope will be enough.”

“You should talk to them, Hajoon, they might find some comfort in your words.” Hyeim suggested and laid her palm over her husband’s hand, caging it in between her own.

“No, I shouldn’t.” Hajoon shook his head at her and gave her a gentle smile. “But they should. They need to talk with each other, truly, truly talk with each other.” He said and for a minute both of them felt silent, Hajoon watching her wife with a fond smile on his face, while Hyeim sorted out her thoughts.

“You are right. They need to talk.” Hyeim said and released her husband’s hand from hers.

 “Let’s eat now.” Hajoon grabbed his fork and knife and nodded at her plate with his chin. Hyeim couldn’t help, but laugh, reaching across the table to swat at her husband.

She was about to say something when Junhee’s long-awaited sound of telephone ringing echoed and overtook the entire house and forced her into silence. She heard Junhee jolt back to life from his thoughts and cry out his lover’s name when he heard them after the entire day of waiting.

 

**Chapter Twenty-Two**

 

“You should sleep, dear.” Hyeim gathered enough courage to suggest aloud after the third time she had come downstairs to check up on the young man.

It was almost midnight and Junhee still hadn’t moved from his place on the couch. Donghun had called and reassured him that they were fine, but it hadn’t eased Junhee at all. He had sat down on the edge of the couch and had remained in the same position for a few hours.

“You go ahead, Hyeim. I will head to bed in a few minutes.” Junhee told her, but didn’t show any signs of actually planning to move from his place, gaze still lingering on the photograph across him on the wall. It was a photograph of him and his lovers, they were on a beach, sun shining down on them and the blue sea stretched across the horizon covering their bare ankles, as they embraced one another in their arms. It was a lovely shot. Hyeim found every painting and photograph hung around the house and bringing life to its fading walls lovely and it broke her heart to know that those five carefree boys had grown into the young men burning in endless agony and fear.

“I will stay with you for a little while, if you don’t mind my presence.” Hyeim asked and lowered herself in an armchair after Junhee had given her a slight nod in return.

They sat still in silence for a few minutes, an hour could have gone and none of them would know for sure, as Junhee gazed at the photograph on the wall and Hyeim let her eyes wander from Junhee’s tear-swelled eyes to the photographs and paintings inside the dimly lit living room, warm breeze of summer rushing through the ajar windows and bringing scent of woods inside the house.

“When we first came here I thought it didn’t look much different from home.” Junhee said suddenly and tore his eyes off of the photograph across the room and turned his head slightly to look at Hyeim sitting next to him in the armchair. “And it truly didn’t, because we have completely changed our house and our surroundings and the places, but they were with me and filled this new house with their familiar presence and scent, and it truly didn’t feel much different from home.

“Sehyoon always loved to remind us that if we are together, no matter where in the world our path takes us, we are home, because our home is made out of our love of one another and home, along with love, will always find its way to us wherever we are, and now that they are not here, this house feels empty and dark and cold, and I feel homeless, as though they had taken home with them and left me with nothing, but an empty shell. There is house, but there is no home here.” Junhee laid his heart bare in front of Hyeim and tears finally found their way on his face.

Hyeim watched the young man weep silently and debated whether to get up and soothe him or let him cry and clear his heavy chest of the burden that had built up inside him over the time.  She tried to ignore her motherly nature urging her to shelter the crying child, but she could resist only so long.

Hyeim moved from the armchair to sit on the couch beside Junhee and laid her palm on the boy’s trembling shoulder.

“They are gone and I know you feel lonely, but they will come back, dear. You have to trust them that they will. They love you Junhee, I can see that they love you so much, and they must feel as homeless without you as you do without them, so no matter where they go, where you go, you will always find your ways back home to each other, right? Is this not what Sehyoon always used to tell you, what has changed now, dear?” Hyeim drew soothing circles on Junhee’s back and let the boy cry on her shoulder, clear his heavy heart from his worries and fears and troubles.

“He did. He did. He told us the same words on the first night we arrived here, but I’m afraid, and I know they are too, that what had happened on that day had broken our home. Whe.. When Byeongkwan called… Oh, when Byeongkwan called… I thought I had died. I would rather have died, Hyeim, I would rather have died than seen our Channie in such a state, all bruised and broken, in pain, weak, and afraid, afraid of us, of me, and of Donghun, and of Sehyoon, and of Byeongkwan. He didn’t let us in his hospital chamber, thought we would hurt him. How could I, how could we ever hurt him, Hyeim, how could we, when we were hurting only by looking at him hurt. But he didn’t know that and we couldn’t reassure him enough. He was afraid, Hyeim, he was so, so afraid.

“When the five of us finally returned home together from the hospital home was already gone, Hyeim, there was no trace of home ever being there left, it was replaced, still is, by fear, and everything changed. Everything changed and after coming here I thought we had finally found a way, a way Sehyoon has always reminded us of, a way back home, but I don’t know if there is ever going to be home again, Hyeim, we try, and try, and try, god knows we do, but nothing feels like home anymore.” Junhee trusted her enough to lay his worries and fears unmasked in front of her, things he had yet to tell his lovers, things Hajoon had told Hyeim the five broken lovers needed to talk about. And Hyeim could finally understand how much they needed to do it. They had to talk, truly talk with one another as soon as it would be possible, as soon as Junhee’s lovers would return.

“Oh, my dear boy, Junhee, dear, it must have been hard to see someone you love change right before your eyes, while you were unable to do anything to help them. It must have been scary for you to see your lovers and yourself, and your home, change after what had happened to Chan, become something new, something unfamiliar to what you have always been used to, and it has thrown you off balance, but doubting, it only gives fear more room to grow roots inside your heart. You love them, my dear boy, don’t you?” Hyeim didn’t need to ask, she could see just how much Junhee loved them, but she wanted to direct Junhee’s thoughts from his fears to the love he carried in his heart for his lovers. She felt Junhee nod eagerly against her shoulder, sniffling quietly.

 “Of course, you do, I can see that you do, dear, so trust that huge love you have for them inside you and believe that it will lead you home, as Sehyoon has always promised you it would. You need to help each other heal, my boys, it takes time, it takes a lot of time, but isn’t home that person whose touch heals you? Isn’t home that person you look at and feel that being with them is worth enduring the harshest of winters in life? Isn’t home that person you hold close to your chest and know that if they are with you, you will find a way, a solution, a miracle to laugh again? It may hurt now, my boy, but it will get better, if you trust it, it will.” Hyeim released Junhee from her arms and combed the boy’s hair out of his tear stained face, gazing gently into his red, tear swelled eyes.

“Let’s sleep now, dear, you have hurt enough, let’s sleep now and let your heart lay at ease. Your lovers will be home before you know.” She promised, soft voice soothing, and held the trembling boy on his feet, holding onto his arm and waist as she led him upstairs and inside the room he shared with his lovers.

Hyeim helped him lay on the bed and stayed with him for a little while, until exhaustion finally took over Junhee’s body and sleep took him in its arms. She laid a blanket over his small form and carefully left the room, praying silently for the happiness of the five lovers.

She didn’t know how long she laid awake in the unfamiliar bed, her husband peacefully asleep beside her, as she continued praying silently.

_Will you become home to these boys? Will you shelter them under you roof and keep them safe inside your walls? Will you give them home they had lost? Could you become what they had lost to these five boys?_

Hyeim believed that houses in some ways were similar to people. To her, each house had its own uniquely shaped heart that gave way for life to move inside its walls and she hoped her prayers could reach the ancient soul of this house and give these poor boys home they had lost.

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there.  
> I hope you will enjoy reading these chapters. It took me ages to type the whole thing, because I had to mostly use my right hand instead of left and it truly is a struggle.  
> A little bit exaggerated experience of sleep paralysis ahead (it will all make sense by the end of the story), so please proceed with caution. I thought it would be easy to write considering my more than a decade long struggle with severe sleep paralysis, but it was very hard to write it down in words.  
> Thank you so much for reading. It's truly appreciated.  
> As for the mistakes, the usual goes here. I apologize for them in advance.  
> Take care.

 

**Chapter Twenty-Three**

 

_No._

Junhee knew what was happening before he could see anything in the dark stillness of his bedroom.

He wanted to scream, but found himself unable to move as though someone had sewn his lips shut, only part of his body willing to obey their original owner being his eyes, blown wide and tear-swelled as he laid conscious yet unable to move and unable to speak and to beg for someone to come and help him.

_Please move._

He pleaded silently as the shadows started to fall over his face and appeared in his vision, looming over him, hair falling on their faces, swallowed in complete darkness as they whispered something Junhee in his fright couldn’t comprehend.

_Please._

He was crying, felt tears blur his vision, as the presence grew stronger in the room and completely overpowered him. His body started to tremble as through someone invisible was trying to pull him out of his paralyzed state, but he remained as frozen as ice, his heavy breathing and muffled cries merging together with his unwanted visitors' quiet whispers and filling the silent bedroom.

_Please. Please. Please._

He was staring up at four shadowy figures. The same figures he still hadn’t grown familiar with. The ones that had started to visit him in his moments of paralyzing fright since the night he had seen Yuchan all bruised and broken and terrified in his hospital chamber.

_Please._

He wanted to scream, and scream, and scream until someone came to help, but his lips remained sealed, his leaf like trembling growing into violent jerking of his body, his vision and shadows standing over him blurred with his tears.

_Please move._

He pleaded, and pleaded, and pleaded hoping for his body to hear him and spring back into action, but his silent pleadings fell to already deaf ears of his surroundings, and no one was to come to save him.

_Please._

He tried with every fiber of his being to move any muscle, and save himself, but he couldn’t, he couldn’t, he never could. It was always the same and he always found himself powerless. A shattered puppet whose owner had abandoned him and he remained lying in the dark corner of dusty storeroom, only his eyes and ears willing to obey him as his body remained still and motionless and forgotten, not having ever learned how to move, waiting for someone to come and pick his strings up and jolt him back to action.

_“Junhee.”_ He heard a familiar voice whisper his name, loud and clear and agonizing, and felt someone’s hands squeeze his chest. _He felt suffocated. He was being suffocated._

_“Junhee.”_  Came another call of his name and another familiar shadowy figure fell on his face.

_Please._

_“Junhee.”_ The same voices kept coming and swarming at him from every corner of the room, with no end, as though they were trying to suffocate him just by a simple action of uttering his name in the complete darkness of his lonely room repeatedly.

The violent shuddering of his frozen body grew stronger and he could hear his own distraught, anguished cries, as his consciousness continued to fight against its paralyzed shell.

_“Junhee.”_ The voices grew louder, crying and screaming and demanding something Junhee didn't know, Junhee couldn’t understand.

_Please._

_“Help us Junhee!”_ The voices screamed and their heart-piercing cries overtook the entire house and Junhee felt the walls of his bedroom starting to shake. He could no longer distinguish if it was the bed or his body shaking with so much force. The shadows swarmed at his face as though they were trying to claw at his skin and rip his unmoving shell to shreds.

_“Help us Junhee!”_ The gut wrenching plea shook the whole house to its core one last time as it echoed and travelled through its fading walls and everything stopped and cleared at once as every muscle of Junhee's body jolted back to action all together, his convulsing body forcing him upright as he wailed loudly for help.

_Help._

_Help._

_Help._

One second he was out of the bed and another he was fleeing down the stairs, his mind struggling to register what he was doing, his body now able to move desperate to run far, far away from the darkness of his bedroom and the suffocating whispers of his name.

_Help._

“Junhee?” When he finally realized what he was doing and where he was he found himself curled in the small space in between the armchair and telephone table, trying to shelter himself from the shadows that haunted him in his sleep and in his state of wakefulness. He was clutching a phone in his shaking fingers and pressing it tightly against his ear. “Junhee, love, is that you?” Byeongkwan was asking from the other end of the line, sounding alarmed as he repeated Junhee's name.

Junhee had called his lovers in his uncontrollable state of madness.

“Junhee?” Byeongkwan’s voice sounded distant and so unbearably close at the same time and Junhee suddenly felt sick.

_Why did he call?_

_What did he want?_

_Junhee._

Byeongkwan kept calling his name and it sounded so strangely, so achingly, so heartbreakingly and terrifyingly familiar to one of the voices whispering his name in his paralyzed state.

“Junhee, love, please say something?” Byeongkwan sounded desperate to hear his voice, to be reassured Junhee was fine and safe.

And Junhee finally have found some strength to speak forced his sealed lips apart to choke out the other’s name, but before a desperate call of Byeongkwan’s name could leave his trembling lips a loud cry of help travelled through the line and reached him, spilled out of the speakers and shook the entire silent house with its force.

_Please! Help me please!_

The voice had pleaded, so, so terrifyingly familiar to one of the voices begging him for help.

“I.. Is that Channie?” He found himself choking out, tears unable to stop streaming down his horror-stricken face. “Byeongkwan, is that Chan?!” Junhee demanded, his voice finally coming back and regaining control.

“Junhee, love, he is fine. Don’t worry please. How are you? Are you alright? Are you safe?” Byeongkwan breathed out in relief at the sound of his voice, but Junhee didn’t hear him, Yuchan’s desperate pleadings echoed inside his head, over and over again, endlessly, as though someone had recorded it and put it on repeat inside Junhee’s head.

“Byeongkwan is that Chan? Please Kwannie tell me that’s not my baby screaming for help like that. Byeongkwan please, what is happening? I thought we were going to be fine. I thought we were finally finding our way back to being a happy family, but why is this all happening now? Why is this happening? Please Byeongkwan, please bring him back, bring him back home please, please come back, please.” Junhee was crying and unable to control himself, fingers dragging through his hair and tugging onto it, trying to pull himself together, trying to find at least the smallest of sense inside him, something close to sanity, something solid, something real, but he couldn’t and he felt like he had completely lost himself.

_Park Junhee, who are you and where are you and what have they done to you?_

_Park Junhee, can you hear me?_

“Please, Kwannie, please, please bring him back, bring him back home please.” Junhee pleaded and pleaded and pleaded, and Byeongkwan tried to comfort him, to reassure him, to talk him into listening to him, but nothing worked, nothing soothed him, nothing convinced him, until Yuchan’s cries and screams died down and faded into uneven breathing on the other end of the line and Junhee’s exhausted body and mind finally felt still and silent and grew numb, unable to comprehend anything.

“Listen to me, love, please. It’s going to be fine, breath, breath, baby, and talk to me, tell me what happened, tell me what is happening.” Byeongkwan repeated, again and again, patient, not tired even to the slightest of repeating the same thing endlessly.

Byeongkwan wasn’t like that, not really, not usually, always impatient, always, always impatient, but this Byeogkwan on the phone with him waited, and gave him time and tried to reassure him with the best of his abilities and Junhee, exhausted, worn out, on the verge of fainting let the younger’s soft voice soothe him into another route of his unwanted sleep.

“It will be fine, love, it will be fine, I promise.”

Junhee wanted to believe his promises, but he could no longer bring himself to believe.

Just when he had thought things were finally starting to be fine the world gave out under his feet one more time.

He was scared and afraid and exhausted and his mind slipped out of consciousness, unwilling to deal with more pain than it already had.

 

**Chapter Twenty-Four**

 

Junhee wasn’t sure how long he had slept after his episode, but when he came back to consciousness he was no longer curled into himself on the floor. Someone had moved him on the couch and draped a soft blanket over his shuddering body.

He felt numb and exhausted, could barely move any of his limbs as he slowly pushed himself up in a sitting position. His mouth felt try as though he had spent the whole night eating sand. It was no longer night, one of the windows had been left ajar and faint streams of sunlight leaked through the closed curtains.

He didn’t remember much of the previous night and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to remember any of what had happened, the thought enough to prickle goosebumps on his skin.

“Oh, you are awake.” A gentle voice came from behind him and Junhee jumped, head whipping to the direction of the voice instantly. Hyeim stood on the doorway, a small wooden tray in her hands as she gazed him with worried eyes and a warm smile on her face.

“How do you feel?” She asked and placed the tray on the small coffee table before lowering herself beside him on the couch.

“I... I don’t...” Junhee struggled to find his voice, rough and weary and threatening to give out, barely able to gather his thoughts together and turn them into a coherent sentence. “I do... I don’t know.”

“It’s okay, dear.” She placed her hand on Junhee’s arm and squeezed it gently. “I made honey tea for you. Try to drink if you can, it will help you relax a little.” Hyeim gestured him to the only teacup on the tray and Junhee found himself nodding almost mechanically.

He took the cup with trembling hands and tried to grasp it as tightly as possible, afraid he would suddenly end up spilling the hot liquid all over himself.

“What time is it?” He asked and took a small sip, the warmth spreading through his mouth felt soothing, the sensation travelled through his aching body and warmed his frozen bones.

“It’s almost eleven.” Hyeim told him as her worried, but warm eyes continued observing him. Junhee felt glad the woman was here to keep him company. He would have gone mad if he were to stay all alone in his lovers’ absence. Her presence felt comforting, reassuring almost, that he was still here and he was still sane, at least, as sane as he could be in his current state.

“Ca.. Can you call Do.. Donghun for me please?” Junhee asked and Hyeim nodded and pushed herself up from the couch. “I ju.. I just want to know how they are and if they a.. already have gone to the po.. police station. The nu.. number is wri.. written on the paper.”

“Of course, dear, wait a second.” Junhee watched silently as Hyeim dialed the number, body growing stiff and worry starting to eat away at his heart inside his heavy chest.

“Oh, hello, is this Lee Donghun?” Hyeim asked the person on the other side of the line and Junhee almost dropped his cup on the floor as the waves of anxiety rushed to reign over his entire being. “Hello dear, it’s Hyeim. No, no, don’t worry, he is fine. He is here with me. Don’t worry. We just wanted to know how the four of you are doing.” Hyeim sat down in the armchair beside the telephone table and gave Junhee a reassuring smile as she listened to Donghun on the other end of the call.

“I see, take care, dear and say hi to the boys for me. Yes, I will tell him, of course, dear, of course, stay safe. Yes, I will see you later, of course.” Hyeim hung up and moved back to her previous place on the couch beside Junhee.

“Donghun told me to tell you that they love you very much and they are fine and that you shouldn’t worry.” She delivered Donghun’s message to him and patted his knee in a silent gesture of have some strength, it will be fine.

“Thank you, Hyeim. Have they already gone to the police station?” Junhee placed the teacup back on the tray and folded his hands in his lap.

“They were about to head out. We almost missed him by a few seconds.” Hyeim shortly explained and Junhee gave her a small nod in return. “Why don’t you go wash up, dear, while I fix you a breakfast? We can take a little walk afterwards and wait together for them to return.” Hyeim suggested and Junhee nodded again, pushing himself up, slowly as though he was being forced to move, as though the idea of doing something physically active put him through so much pain.

Hyeim’s heart ached at the sight as the young man staggered outside of the living room and disappeared from her line of sight. She didn’t know what had happened to Junhee yesterday night, but when she and Hajoon had found him passed out on the floor, telephone clutched tightly against his chest, she couldn’t help, but break down in tears.

Hyeim didn’t know what was happening to those boys, but whatever it was she didn’t like it the slightest. The strange, premonition like feeling growing stronger inside her chest caused her unrest and slight fright.

 

**Chapter Twenty-Five**

 

Junhee was in the living room with Hyeim and Hajoon, standing by the window and gazing outside of the slightly parted curtains, as they waited for his lovers to return. It was long past ten p.m. and the bubbling feeling of anxiousness inside him was starting to grow bigger and spread across his chest the more he waited.

He knew he had made a mistake to stay behind and send them away without him. He acknowledged it now and couldn’t wait to see his lovers and pull them in his arms and never, never, never again let them go away.

Junhee couldn’t bear being without them. He couldn’t bear living without them. He couldn’t bear existing without them. Not in this state and maybe not ever. He needed them like fish needed water to survive, to live. He didn’t know who he was, what he was, without them.

_Who was Park Junhee without his lovers?_

_Who were his lovers without him?_

_He didn’t know._

_Didn’t want to know._

_Ever in his life._

He felt a shudder run through his body when a single car emerged from the thick rows of trees and turned to the manor.

_They were back._

_His lovers._

_They had finally come back._

“They are back.” Junhee announced their arrival to Hyeim and Hajoon before turning on his heels and running outside of the house and down the small staircase.

He recognized their faces, illuminated by the dim lights of the car, sitting in the same order he had sent them away two days ago.

Byeongkwan gave a small wave when their eyes met and Junhee couldn’t help, but forget his worries and fright as relief washed over him. Donghun managed a loving smile as the car came to a half in front of Junhee and his oldest lover turned off the engine.

Donghun threw the door open and pulled Junhee in his arms, his embrace firm and desperate, Donghun’s way of reassuring himself that his younger lover was alright and unharmed and safe. Byeongkwan gave him a quick kiss on the lips after Donghun had released him from his arms before hurrying back to the car and pulling the door on Yuchan’s side open.

Junhee couldn’t see the younger, but saw the way Sehyoon was looking down at the backseat of his own car. Sehyoon gathered Yuchan’s limp body in his arms and with some help of Byeongkwan managed to get out without much struggle.

Junhee felt Donghun press his hand on the small of his back as though the elder was trying to steady him, ready to catch him if his legs suddenly decided to give out under him.

“He is fine, don’t worry.” Sehyoon was quick to assure him, smiling at him gently, as calm and composed as ever. Junhee couldn’t find his voice to piece a coherent response and managed a small nod in return, following behind him as Sehyoon carried Yuchan inside the house.

Sehyoon quickly exchanged small greetings with Hyeim and Hajoon before disappearing upstairs with Yuchan still cradled in his arms securely.

Junhee followed after the elder, trailing behind him silently until Sehyoon came to a stop in front of his bedroom and motioned him with his head to the door. Junhee almost lost his balance as he rushed to open the door for the other, still a little lost in his haze.

He rolled the blankets aside and laid it over Yuchan’s motionless body after Sehyoon had laid the younger down. Junhee crawled on the bed next to Yuchan and let his fingers wander through his youngest lover’s hair as he listened to Yuchan’s faint, but even breathing.

“You don’t have to be so cautious.” Sehyoon spoke after a while and sat on the edge of the bed on the other side of Yuchan. “He won’t wake up for a few more hours. Mikyung injected him with a sedative when we couldn’t calm him down after the identification procedures.” Sehyoon sounded exhausted, face paler than usual and dark circles surrounding his stormy eyes prominent. Junhee wondered when had been the last time Sehyoon had properly slept. The elder probably wouldn’t remember if Junhee were to ask him.

Sehyoon seemed always so calm and composed and one could be very easily convinced that he was taking what had happen the easiest out of the five of them, but Junhee knew that was not the case. He could look at Sehyoon and immediately recognize the signs of both mental and physical exhaustion in the other male. Monitoring Yuchan’s recovery had been the hardest on the elder and it was finally taking tool on him. Sehyoon was the one who stayed with Yuchan overnight, the calmest out of the four of them, he dealt Yuchan's every episode with so much patience and care and cautiousness, as though he knew what he needed to do, what he had to say beforehand, and Yuchan felt safer when he was with Sehyoon than when he was with anyone else, and they could understand it and couldn’t deny the youngest his source of comfort and safety. It was necessary for Yuchan’s steady recovery, but looking at Sehyoon now, without having to keep any façade of calmness and strength, Junhee could see how tired he was.

Junhee reached out to gently caress Sehyoon’s cheek and let the elder lean into his touch and relax a little.

“Thank you for being our lover and caring for us, Sehyoon.” Junhee told him and his words stirred a soft laugh out of the older male.

Sehyoon leaned in to kiss him, his hand coming up to rest on the back of Junhee’s neck, his fingers caressing the younger’s hair gently.

“Don’t thank me, silly.” Sehyoon smiled against the other’s lips and leaned his forehead on Junhee’s. “Just tell me you love me. It's enough.”

“I love you.” Junhee confessed, a bit too quickly, and his eagerness made Sehyoon laugh once again, eyes brimming in understanding.

“I love you too, Junhee.” Sehyoon whispered his own confession to him and kissed Junhee’s forehead before releasing the younger from his touch.

Junhee leaned back and continued playing with Yuchan’s hair. Their youngest lover moved around and mumbled something incoherent in his sleep. It made Junhee smile. Yuchan looked serene. If Junhee didn’t know it was all sedatives injected in the younger’s blood he would have cried in happiness. When was the last time he had seen Yuchan so peaceful? He couldn't remember. It seemed so, so, so far way, somewhere lost in the past and in his fading memories. He placed a feather-like, lingering kiss on the tip of Yuchan’s nose and laid down beside him on the bed, head resting in the crook of Yuchan’s shoulder.

“Tell me what happened.” He turned his eyes back up to Sehyoon who smiled down at him in return.

“You don’t have to worry about them.” Sehyoon told him just as Byeongkwan and Donghun walked inside the bedroom and surrounded him and Yuchan on the bed.

Junhee had to hold his anguished cry of help back, chanting silently inside his head that he was awake and he wasn’t imagining anything. It was his lovers surrounding them and not the four shadowy figures wanting to swallow his entire being.

“Let’s concentrate back on the recovery from now on, okay?” Sehyoon said and got up from the bed. His lovers were quick to hum in agreement, a firm nod from Byeongkwan, a gentle squeeze on the shoulder from Donghun and a faint smile from Junhee.

_Recovery._ It was not something to be easily achieved, thorny and rough road with many slippery trails along the way, but they were not alone in this fight against themselves. They could recover. Junhee wanted to believe they would recover. The ground kept breaking under their feet, but they were together and for Junhee it already meant something. _Something. Everything._ All there had to be for them to recover and spring back to their old shapes.

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there.  
> I hope you will enjoy reading this chapter. We got to explore Byeongkwan's character a bit deeper and got to learn more about what had happened on 'that day'. It shouldn't be much of a mystery by now. Actually, the real mysteries have just started, so please anticipate for more. I'll try my best to make the future updates worth reading, or at least, something as close to it as possible.  
> I didn't get to fix any mistakes, so I apologize for them in advance.  
> Thank you so much for reading and taking your time to leave kudos and comments behind. They are greatly appreciated.  
> Take care.

 

**Chapter Twenty-Six**

 

Byeongkwan was harshly forced out of his peaceful slumber by the muffled cries coming from shuddering Junhee in between him and Donghun.

He pushed himself upright, heart hammering against his chest, fist clenched on his sides under the covers as though he was ready to fight whatever or whoever was making Junhee cry in terror at three in the morning. He would if he could. He gladly would if he could. Even if it would cost him his life. He would take them with him to make sure no one and nothing could terrify Junhee at night. 

It took him a second to fully understand what was happening when Donghun turned on the lamp on his bedside table and Byeongkwan's eyes finally found Junhee’s face, horror crawling up to the elder and making home inside his eyes.

Junhee laid on his back, shuddering, but frozen, his muscles refusing to obey him, awake, but not quite here with them, eyes blown wide in fear as he stared up at the ceiling.

“Oh, baby.” Before Byeongkwan could react Donghun on the other side of Junhee was already gathering Junhee’s frozen face in his hands, prepared, sure of what to do, worried, but unafraid, as though he had dealt with Junhee’s night terrors for his whole life.

Byeongkwan knew the elder did. For almost half of their lives. Since he had met Junhee on his final year of high school. It had always been Donghun trying to pull Junhee away from the arms of his unwanted visitors in the middle of a night. Until they had met Sehyoon on their first year of college and the other male had come along to share Donghun’s duty of rescuing Junhee from the horrors of his mind.

Byeongkwan didn’t get to see Junhee in this state often. Neither did, Yuchan. Always the heavy sleepers of the five. Only when it was the two of them sleeping with the elder and Junhee after he had finally regained control over his paralyzed body would wake them up crying and ask them to hold him tight, hopeful his lovers’ arms would be strong enough to keep his night terrors from returning. Byeongkwan did’t get to see Junhee in this state often. No. Not until that day. Since then Byeongkwan had started to watch from the side as either Donghun or Sehyoon soothed Junhee down, unsure of what to do, what to say, how to comfort the terrified elder. He could only hold him tight against his chest and give him safety in his arms after Donghun or Sehyoon would manage to pull him out of paralyzed state of consciousness.

“Oh, baby. It’s okay. It’s okay, love.” Donghun was trying to soothe Junhee as Byeongkwan watched them in his state of haze, not entirely able to comprehend everything that was happening.

He peeled the covers off of his legs and sat on his knees, facing Donghun and Junhee on the other side of the bed, fingers still curled in fists and resting on his lap. Byeongkwan opened his mouth to say something, ask Donghun if he should get Junhee a glass of water or something that could help down the other male, but before words could find their way through his lips, Sehyoon calling Yuchan’s name and their youngest lover screaming for help snapped him out of his haze and he startled once more, spinning on the bed to face the door.

“Go help Sehyoon!” He felt Donghun nudge him out of the bed with one hand as he continued comforting Junhee with another, desperate to pull the younger out of his paralyzed state. “Byeongkwan go!” Donghun commanded, almost in an authoritative way, when Byeongkwan showed no signs of moving  and as though someone had suddenly pulled him back to his senses Byeongkwan was out of the bed and running outside of the bedroom door, heart stuck in his throat, full of force and desire to crawl out of him and leave Byeongkwan’s fear-shaken body.

He caught a glimpse of Sehyoon hurriedly disappearing down the stairs on time and he was fleeing after the elder, following Yuchan’s cries of help and Sehyoon’s desperate calls of Yuchan’s name.

“Channie?! Channie, where are you, baby? Where are you?!” Just as Byeongkwan made it on the last step of the staircase Sehyoon’s red robes disappeared behind one of the arches that separated entryway from the statue-filled hall of their house.

Byeongkwan followed after him and almost collided with Sehyoon’s back when he rounded the archway, not expecting the elder to be standing there frozen, unmoving, gaze fixed on screaming Yuchan curled up in the corner, pushed up against the wall, hands thrown over his eyes as he pleaded for help, as he screamed at someone invisible to him and Sehyoon to stop hurting him.

“Seh... Sehyoon.” Byeongkwan found himself stumbling on his tongue to say the elder’s name and Sehyoon’s head whipped to the side to glance at him, face drained of expression, pale, pale, colorless almost, dim lights reaching inside the hall from the entryway casting shadows across it and turning it grey.

“It’s okay, Kwannie.” Sehyoon told him, softly, sounding almost, almost too unaffected, but Byeongkwan caught the strain the elder was trying very hard to mask in his voice.

_Sehyoon was afraid._

_Even Sehyoon was afraid._

Byeongkwan felt something inside him come down to crumbles. He didn’t know there still was anything breakable left inside him, anything that had survived the past months, but turned out there still was something, something that had sheltered itself in the furthest corners of Byeongkwan’s being in hopes of pain and fear and guilt and shame not being able to reach it, but everything inside Byeongkwan had become reachable, there was no place to escape, no way to run and find salvation, everything shattered and broke and ached inside him.

“Channie, it’s me, love, it’s me. Tell me what it is, love. Tell me what do you see.” Sehyoon was no longer standing in front of him. The elder had moved forward and had closed the distance in between them and quivering Yuchan pressed tightly against the wall. “Tell me, love, tell me what it is.” Sehyoon’s voice was soft, and peaceful, and unwavering, steady, and real. He was there, ever present, asking Yuchan to hold onto his voice, hold onto him to pull himself back, pull himself out of the horrors of his mind and back to them, back to the reality. But Byeongkwan was no longer sure if it was reality or the images pieced by the younger’s mind Yuchan was begging them to free him from. Byeongkwan was no longer sure of anything.   

“There! There!” Yuchan screamed and pointed at one of the statues near the window, illuminated by the faint lights reaching through the arches. “Don’t let him close! Please don’t let him close to me!” Yuchan pleaded, still pointing at the statue of a man, his other hand thrown over his eyes, as though it would keep him safe, as though if he wouldn’t be able to see the statue, whoever he was seeing would leave him alone and he wouldn’t feel any pain.

Sehyoon put himself in front of Yuchan and in between their youngest lover and the statue Yuchan had begged to be sheltered from.

“I won’t, Channie, I won’t. I’m here. I’m here. I won’t let him close to you. I promise, love. I promise. I’m here. I’m here. Here.” Sehyoon gathered Yuchan’s shaking fingers securely in his hand when the younger reached out to him blindly, still unwilling to move another hand from his eyes. “I’m here, love. Look at me. It’s only us. Calm down. It’s only us. Give me another hand, okay?” Sehyoon laid his palm over Yuchan’s hand as he waited for the younger to give him a permission to take it off of his eyes.

“No... No. I do.. I don’t... Not see him. Please... don’t... I don’t...” Yuchan shook his head and pulled away from Sehyoon’s palm, afraid that if he were to move his hand away from his eyes the man he had pleaded so hard to be saved from would still be there, hovering over him, terrifying, vile, too strong for him to fight on his own, full of desire to hurt him, break him to pieces one more time.

“Close your eyes, okay? Close your eyes and give me your hand, love. I will pick you up. Do you trust me, Channie?” Sehyoon soothed in a gentle voice, patient, and willing to give Yuchan as much time as the younger needed to gather some courage.

“I... I do.” Yuchan nodded a few seconds later, hesitantly, and slowly moved his hand from his face, eyes pressed shut tightly as he reached for Sehyoon with trembling fingers.

“Thank you, love.” Sehyoon took Yuchan’s hand in his and shifted closer to the younger. “Don’t open your eyes, okay? I’m going to pick you up. Put your arms around me and don’t open your eyes. Here. Here. Hold on tight, love.” Sehyoon gave directions in a soft voice and cradled Yuchan in his arms.

Byeongkwan quickly moved to the elder’s side, bending down slightly to rest his hands on Sehyoon’s waist and land some of his strength to the elder, so he could get up with ease, and prevent him from losing his footing on the floor.

“You are safe now, Channie. Calm down, love. You are safe with me now, Channie.” Byeongkwan followed Sehyoon behind as the elder carried Yuchan out of the hall and up to the staircase, Yuchan’s trembling form wrapped securely in his arms as the youngest of his lovers held onto him for his dear life, eyes shut tightly and fingers gone colorless from how strong and desperate his grip was on the back of Sehyoon’s robe.

Byeongkwan watched silently as Sehyoon walked up the stairs, slow, and careful and each step calculated, whispering Yuchan’s name again and again, as though repeating it endlessly would keep Yuchan as safe as the younger’s name was safe in his mouth.

 

**Chapter Twenty-Seven**

 

“What happened?” Donghun asked as he lowered himself beside Sehyoon on the couch in their master bedroom, unable to hold back a weary sigh.

Junhee had crawled into bed with Yuchan after the two of them had finally calmed down and hid themselves under the blankets, slight trembling of their curled up forms still visible through the thin fabric, hands joined, but neither of them willing to speak a word, trying to find their desirable peace of mind as they listened to their slowly changing heartbeats silently.

“I don’t know, Hun, I really don’t.” Sehyoon told him and leaned his head against Donghun’s shoulder, seemingly exhausted. The younger had barely slept in the past three days. All of them had barely slept in the past three days, if not in the past months, but it was always Sehyoon running around to bring lost peace back to them at three in the morning. “I left him sleeping here and went to the bathroom, but when I came back he was already gone, door closed, slippers left behind and then he was screaming for help.”

“Where did you find him?” Donghun reached up with his hand behind the younger’s back to gently stroke his hair, massaging Sehyoon’s scalp soothingly in hopes of taking some of his piled up stress away.

“In that hall. He was pointing at one of the statues as he pleaded me to keep him away. I am starting to think that he might be seeing them as though they were alive.” Sehyoon explained, sounding a little unsure and Donghun felt the younger go back from relaxed to tense.

“Is it normal?” Donghun asked, slightly unnerved, worry eating away at his heart. He didn’t know much about Yuchan’s condition, not as much as Sehyoon at least. He tried to understand and gather as much information as possible, but there still were things that were obscure to him.

“Probably, I’m not sure.” Sehyoon confessed and he sounded frustrated to Donghun. “I will call Mikyung in the morning and ask.”

 “Don’t push yourself too much.” Donghun told him and pressed a gentle kiss on top of the younger’s head. “You are doing great dealing with everything. I don’t want to imagine what we would do without you.”

“You would do great.” Sehyoon said and lifted his head up to look at him.

“No, we wouldn’t. Without each other we wouldn’t be able to do anything.” Donghun found himself smiling at the younger and he reached up to caresses Sehyoon’s pale cheek. “Go, lay down with them and try to sleep. I will look for Byeongkwan.”

Sehyoon hummed in return and left a gentle, lingering kiss on Donghun’s cheek before getting up from the couch and going to join Junhee and Yuchan on the bed.

Donghun watched him lift up the blanket and whisper “ _It’s just me. It’s okay.”_  before slipping under the covers beside Junhee.

Donghun pushed himself up, limbs heavy and thoughts whirling inside his head trying to make him feel dizzy, and left the bedroom in search of his fourth lover that had disappeared after everything had temporarily fallen back to peace.

Temporarily, because Donghun wasn’t sure what could happen and change in the next few minutes. He had come to learn in the past weeks that just a few minutes where enough for the world to completely come down to ruins, rise back from its ashes and come to crumbles again.

 

**Chapter Twenty-Eight**

 

Donghun caught a glimpse of Byeongkwan’s bent figure on the front porch, the younger’s back faintly illuminated by the lights reaching through one of the door wings he had left open.

Donghun found himself frozen on the doorway when he heard quiet sniffles coming from the younger. Byeongkwan had his face buried in his hands as he tried to muffle his cries.

“Oh, love, baby, Kwannie.” Donghun stumbled on his words as he rushed to the younger’s side. Byeongkwan’s head snapped up to look at him, eyes swelled in tears, face pained, and moved away when Donghun tried to wrap him in his arms. “Why, tell me what is it, love?” Donghun asked and heard panic and strain in his own voice. _Byeongkwan rarely cried._ Very, very rarely and seeing him crying shook Donghun’s whole being with so much force. He felt his cheek sting in pain as the reality’s invisible hand came across it harshly.

“Right, I shouldn’t be crying.” Byeongkwan said suddenly and Donghun heard anger in the younger’s voice.

Byeongkwan was angry at himself. Donghun knew. Byeongkwan was angry at himself, still unforgiving, still doubting, still regretting, still ashamed. _For no reason. For nothing._ It was not Byeongkwan’s fault, but the younger believed neither of them, no matter how many times they tried to explain, reassure, convince, make sense to the younger, Byeongkwan still considered himself to be the one in blame for everything. “I should be upstairs begging for Chan’s forgiveness, for Junhee’s forgiveness, for Sehyoon’s and for your forgiveness. I should be pleading you four to forgive me instead of sitting here and crying.”

Donghun felt his heart slam violently against his chest before scattering in pieces on the cold ground under him.

“You aren’t hearing yourself, love. There is nothing to forgive. There had never been anything to be forgiven to begin with. It wasn’t your fault. No one, but those people are to be blamed. But if you still want to blame yourself, then do me a favour and blame all of us, you, me, Junhee and Sehyoon, because you are in as much blame as we are.” Donghun tried to take Byeongkwan’s face in his hands but the younger turned his face aside, shaking his head, not wanting to hear anything Donghun had to say. “Kwannie, love, liste...” Donghun started, but trailed off when Byeongkwan suddenly pushed himself up from the staircase and turned to stare down at him, fury and regret and pain clear in his tearful eyes.

“No, Donghun, no, do you not hear me at all? I should have been with him. He shouldn’t have been alone. I knew as well as the three of you did that he was scared after he had received those calls and mails and it was my turn to walk him home, but I couldn’t, I couldn’t, because I am a selfish bastard who chose his work over his lover and look where we are right now, look where he is right now, what is happening to Junhee! This is all my fault Donghun, do you not get it?! I did this to all of you! I took our home and peace and Channie’s beautiful smiles away from you and from him. It’s my fault. My fault, Donghun, mine, and I am never going to forgive myself for being so selfish and neither should any of you. Neither should have the four of you...” Byeongkwan was gritting through his teeth, unable to hold his tears back, face twisted in anger and self-loathing and self-blame and pain.

Donghun got up from the ground and pulled him in his arms, tightened his hold around him when Byeongkwan tried to shake him off and push him away.

“I do... I don’t deserve his forgiveness. I don’t... I don’t deserve your forgiveness. I broke him Donghun. I did this.” Byeongkwan cried out against Donghun’s shoulder and stopped struggling, trembling as Donghun pressed him close and refused to let go of him.

“No, love, no, you didn’t. They broke him. They hurt him, not you, and I need you to listen to me, okay? What happened on that day was not, and never will be, your fault. Yes, you should have been with Channie on that evening, but you couldn’t and you could not possibly know that this was going to happen to him. I’m not trying to justify the fact that you chose your work over Yuchan, no, I just want to show you that what happened wasn’t your fault. You wouldn’t have been able to do anything to stop it from happening.

“They had it decided to hurt him on that evening, no matter who he was with, they wanted to hurt him and they were going to do it. You heard them yesterday. You heard everything, Kwan and you know that they would have hurt you if you had been with Channie. They could have hurt me or Junhee or Sehyoon or anyone else, because that was what they wanted to do on that evening. If you hadn’t gone looking for him when he didn’t come to your agreed spot by the subway who knows what more could have happened, who knows how late it could have been to save him. If you haven’t found him who knows maybe we wouldn’t even have him back broken like this?

“On that evening Channie and all of us became victims of hatred of a group of vile, twisted people, Byeongkwan and it’s only them, only them to be blamed and they are paying off what they had done to him, to us by spending most of their remaining lives in jail. So, I want you, we need you, to let go of the blame. We have enough things trying to tear us down. We don’t need self-blame to make it even harder to recover from what happened. Blaming ourselves is not going to get us nowhere, Kwannie. It won’t get us out of this hell we have fallen in, so please, love, please stop blaming yourself and help us find a way out together.”

Byeongkwan was completely still and silent as he listened to Donghun speak and the elder could have thought he had fallen asleep or passed out of exhaustion and unbearable emotional pain if it was not for the younger’s madly beating heart against his chest and his heavy breathing against his neck.

They stood in silence for so long that the first rays of sunlight caught them and rushed eagerly to play against their skin and dance in their hair, still faint and powerless to spread any warmth.

“Look at how beautiful the sky is.” Donghun said and his voice sounded strange in the midst of the tranquility early morning had offered the two pained lovers.

Byeongkwan raised his head from the crook of Donghun’s shoulder and turned away from the house to look at the sky, his fingers finding safety in between Donghun’s as he laced them together.

“Do you think this could be a sign?” Byeongkwan asked and his question made Donghun laugh lightly. It was a child-like thought, a hopeful wish, but he would take everything he could get.

Donghun tugged Byeongkwan closer by their joined hands, gazing at the early morning sky, sun sliding up on the horizon to replace reigning darkness of the night, pouring warm, golden light over their earnestly turned up faces.

“Yes.” Donghun told him and stepped back to the house, guiding Byeongkwan inside by their laced fingers. “Everything is going to be alright.”

 

**Chapter Twenty-Nine**

 

“Hey.” Byeongkwan let out in a greeting, trying to sound as cheerful as possible, as he got out of the car.

He had gone out into the town after they had managed to compose themselves enough to have a late breakfast and being in the studio, dancing his anger, and worries, and pain away had seemingly eased his tensed, heavy with burden shoulders.

“Welcome back, Kwannie.” Sehyoon smiled at him and rose up from the chair slightly to give him his _welcome home_ kiss.

Byeongkwan slipped from Sehyoon to Yuchan next to the elder and hesitated for a moment. Yuchan, looking lost inside his head, didn’t show any signs of not feeling comfortable with physical contact and Byeongkwan left a soft, lingering kiss against the younger’s cheek before moving to Donghun, who kissed him on the cheek and pulled him in his arms.

“I bought groceries and some other stuff on the way.” Byeongkwan told them after Donghun had released him from his embrace and turned back to the car.

Sehyoon got up to help him, taking two of the paper begs from him, while Byeongkwan carried a brown box in his arms.

“Di.. Did you bo.. bought me ta.. tange.. tangerines?” Yuchan asked, no longer lost in his usual state of trance, as he stared up at him with expecting eyes. Byeongkwan couldn’t help, but smile, nodding eagerly at the younger.

It had always been him who took it upon himself to buy Yuchan’s tangerines, even long before that day. He first started stuffing their fridge with tangerines right after he had found out from Junhee that the younger male had _not very healthy_ obsession with tangerines. It had been his reason to strike a conversation with Yuchan whenever he came over to stay at their place.

Junhee had been the first to meet Yuchan and then Donghun, their eldest lover with Junhee had bumped onto Yuchan in one of the coffee shops around the campus and Yuchan had instantly charmed the elder with his easy going personality and the smile that could make the sun seem plain from the way he shined. When Junhee had one day invited Yuchan for dinner in their apartment and had introduced the younger male to him and Sehyoon, Byeongkwan had instantly, very foolishly, head over heels, had fallen in love. And he had started filling their apartment with tangerines since that evening.

His lovers had laughed at him, many times, and Byeongkwan had sulkily argued that it would be exactly his tangerines that would get Yuchan with them one day and maybe, looking back at it now, maybe he had not been that wrong about it.

“They are in the car.” Byeongkwan whispered to the younger, as though he was sharing one of his deepest, sacred secrets to the younger and felt Yuchan’s bony, cold fingers graze his lower back when he moved past him to follow Sehyoon inside the house.

He felt nostalgia press heavily against his chest and wrap its arms around Byeongkwan’s already suffering heart. He tried to ignore the stinging pain inside him and concentrated on Sehyoon ahead.

“Where is Jun?” He asked as he trailed after the elder inside the kitchen and put the box down on the table.

“In his studio.” Sehyoon told him and proceeded to take out the groceries from the box.

“Do you think he would mind a company?” Byeongkwan wondered out loudly and Sehyoon stopped to smile at him.

“Why not find out yourself?” Byeongkwan heard slight teasing in the elder’s voice and leaned in to kiss his teasing smile away.

“I bought your favourite chocolate.” He said and felt Sehyoon’s arms come around his waist and rest on his hips.

“Did you?” Sehyoon smiled and rested his forehead against Byeongkwan’s.

Byeongkwan nodded, smiling with ease, and reached up to cup the elder’s cheek in his hand. He could see dark circles surrounding Sehyoon’s peaceful eyes.

“Let me or Donghun stay with Chan tonight. You need sleep.” He offered, but Sehyoon pulled his head away and shook it in disagreement.

“I can manage. Don’t worry.” Sehyoon reassured with a small smile, though Byeongkwan found it a bit forced and strained, and went back to unpacking the box.

“You will tell us if you need one of us to help, right?” Byeongkwan asked after a few seconds of debating whether to put voice to his thoughts or not. Sehyoon stopped for a moment to look up at him before breaking into a small smile.

“I will, Kwannie, don’t worry.” Sehyoon assured him once more and Byeongkwan couldn’t bring himself to doubt. He leaned forward to kiss Sehyoon’s cheek before turning to find Junhee.

 

**Chapter Thirty**

 

Byeongkwan softly knocked on the door of Junhee’s new studio, hesitant to not startle the older, and repeated it for a few times when no answer came from the other side of the door.

He pushed the door open slowly, trying to get a glimpse of what Junhee was doing through a small crack without making any disturbing noises. His older lover sat still in a stool chair in front of one of the easels and stared at the painting in front of him.

“Junhee?” Byeongkwan tried calling the elder’s name in a small voice and Junhee suddenly startled back to life as he hurriedly turned the easel aside as though he was trying to hide what he had painted from Byeongkwan’s curious eyes. Byeongkwan only managed to catch a glimpse of dark shadows and a lightly illuminated bed before the painting completely disappeared from his sight.

“Am I disturbing?” He asked and Junhee shook his head in return and motioned him inside the room.

“When did you come back?” Junhee asked, quickly, simply to distract Byeongkwan from his hurriedly hidden painting. He got up and cleaned his hands on a wet cloth before reaching out to clasp Byeongkwan’s hands in his.

“Just a few minutes ago.” Byeongkwan kissed Junhee’s right cheek and Junhee kissed his left in return. “I was wondering if you had few minutes to help me get started on painting the dressing table before dinner.”

“An entire life time for my love.” Junhee told him, smiling and turned to look around his studio. “But I don’t think many of my tools are going to be very useful in repainting it.”

“I bought paint today. I just need your opinions and then you to paint the suns, but that one will have to wait for a day or two.” Byeongkwan explained and tugged the elder out of the room and into the corridor.

“That I can help with.” Junhee said and he seemed eager to Byeongkwan, light flickering inside his eyes struggling to come back to life and stay permanently instead of going out as fast as it had come.

“Do you think you can distract them while I try to sneak stuff down the basement?” Byeongkwan asked, unable to keep mischievous smile off of his face and Junhee suddenly feeling challenged nodded as they emerged down the stairs.

“Well, I can try.”

**Chapter Thirty-one**

 

Byeongkwan was in the middle of dragging the dressing table across the dimly lit basement when Junhee suddenly dropped one of the brushes he had been stirring paint with, as he pressed his palm against his temple, face twisted in pain.

“Jun, baby, are you alright?” Byeongkwan rushed to the elder, quick to shoulder him and lean him against his side.

“Ye.. Yes. It.. It’s just my head.” Junhee tried not to worry him, but he could hold his distressed winces back for so long.

Byeongkwan knew how much pain Junhee’s _just my head_ amounted to. As Junhee had once put into words to explain to them it felt like someone was drilling the elder’s head. “Help me u.. upstairs.” Junhee asked weakly and Byeongkwan carefully led him up to the wooden staircase, trying to make as little sound as creaking steps made it possible.

“I... I’m sorry I couldn’t help.” Junhee told him, voice dripping in faint mix of pain and regret, face twisted in hurt and apology, when Byeongkwan laid him on the couch in the living room.

“Don’t worry. We can always do it tomorrow.” Byeongkwan reassured, trying to smile through his worry, and patted him on the thigh before straightening up. “I will get your meds.” He turned and rushed out of the living room to Junhee’s bedroom upstairs to retrieve the elder’s medication.

He was about to pull the door of Junhee’s bedroom open when he caught a glimpse of Junhee’s studio door left ajar by the corner of his eye. _Had he forgotten to close it when he had pulled the elder out of the room earlier?_

He debated with himself whether to check the studio or get Junhee’s medicine and just go downstairs for a few seconds before deciding to go with the former. The painting Junhee had hidden from him still lingering in his mind. He peeked inside the studio to find it devoid of any living presence before going inside and when he realized what he was doing he was already turning the easel and staring at the painting Junhee had turned away from his sight earlier.

He heard himself gasp and took a little step back.

_Was this what Junhee saw whenever they found him crying and trembling in the middle of a night?_

Junhee laid in the middle of the bed he usually shared with Donghun and Byeongkwan, four shadows had surrounded him as they reached through Junhee’s chest and clenched Junhee’s heart in their fingers.

The horror Byeongkwan could see in the eyes of _painting Junhee_ felt so real. He could feel it creep out of the painting and crawl up on his legs, covering him in its shadow of fear from head to toe, suffocating, burning, unbearable against his skin.

“Why are you here?” A voice behind him asked and Byeongkwan jumped, spinning on his heels to find Donghun standing on the doorway. “Shouldn’t you be getting Junhee’s medicine?” The older beckoned him out of the studio, but then his eyes landed on the painting behind Byeongkwan and walked further inside the room, mouth slightly agape.

“Di.. did he paint it?” Donghun asked, face twisted in sadness and worry and pain.

This was not the first time Junhee had painted his night terrors. They had seen them many times with their own eyes, but none of them had terrified them before like this one.

“Is... Is that... Is that us?” Donghun asked again, more to himself than Byeongkwan, and even if he had asked Byeongkwan the younger was sure he wouldn’t be able to give him an answer.

_Is that us?_ Donghun had asked.

_Is that us tearing him apart?_  was what Byeongkwan heard.

 


End file.
